Teaching Our Kids Discernment in the Digital Age
Digital Discipleship Series
The day I started writing this post was the last day of school for my children. For my son, it was his last day of elementary school. Just like that, my kids are no longer little. At 7 and 11, their interests are changing. Especially for my oldest, little kid toys are starting to lose their appeal. These days, playing games online with his friends is more exciting than building with blocks or playing with action figures.
Because both my wife and I work, even though we’ve planned camps and activities for the summer, the reality is that our kids will have more time at home, and with that comes more opportunities for screen time. And that’s okay. We’ve made peace with the fact that screens will be part of our summer. But I also want to be intentional about how my kids think about their relationship with screens.
In a recent post, I described technology like a vine. Without a trellis to guide it, it grows wild, creeping into places it was never meant to go. In the same way, if we don’t help our kids build a framework for how to interact with technology, it will find its way into every corner of life without asking permission.
If you’re reading this, there’s a good chance you’re a young Gen X-er, a Millennial, or maybe an older Gen Z-er. That means, like me, you probably remember growing up during the tail end of the "satanic panic." I was raised in Guatemala, and even there, the influence reached us. I remember the way many in the church reacted to culture. Out of a sincere desire to protect their children, a lot of parents responded by banning just about everything. Good music was off-limits. Every TV show was suspect. Unless it was McGee and Me or The Flying House, it was treated like a spiritual threat.
I’m only half joking. There really was a tendency to see every cultural artifact as dangerous. And to be honest, as much as I rolled my eyes as a kid when I wasn’t allowed to watch certain shows or play certain games, now that I’m a parent, I get it. I want to protect my kids, too. The impulse is there. But now I find myself asking a different question: Is isolation really the answer? Or would it be better to train my kids to think, to discern, and to engage with the world through the lens of Scripture?
Teach them to recognize that everything is a sermon
One of the best tools we can give our children is the ability to recognize that everything in culture is preaching. Songs, commercials, movies, video games, YouTube shorts, each one is saying something about what is true, good, and beautiful. The Apostle Paul says in Romans 12:2,
"Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect."
Paul assumes the world is trying to shape us. That is the default. Whether it is loud and obvious or subtle and slow, the world is constantly forming us. But Paul does not just diagnose the problem; he gives us a path forward: the renewing of our minds. And that renewal comes through testing and discerning what aligns with God's will. That kind of wisdom is not automatic. It has to be taught and practiced.
Our kids are being formed constantly, not just during family devotions or Sunday school, but in the everyday choices of what they watch, listen to, and follow. As James K.A. Smith has put it, we are shaped not just by what we know, but by what we love. So part of our job as parents is to help our children pay attention to what is shaping their affections.
There is one voice that stands above all the others, the voice of God in Scripture. And when our kids know how to listen for that voice, they are better equipped to respond wisely to all the others.
Asking questions about cultural artifacts
One of the most practical ways we can help our children grow in discernment is by teaching them to ask questions about the things they watch, listen to, and enjoy. Not every movie or show needs to be avoided, but every one of them should be examined. Even when something is fun or engaging, it is still saying something about the world, about people, and about what matters most.
Recently, our family watched Wicked. My kids love the music, and my daughter will correct you if you do not sing the lyrics exactly right. As we were watching it, I paused the movie and asked, "Is there anything here that does not seem right?" One of my kids noted that the clothing did not seem gender-appropriate. Then I asked, "What sermon is this story preaching?" To my surprise, their answers were thoughtful and perceptive. That moment reminded me that discipleship does not only happen during devotions. It occurs in conversations like these.
These conversations do not need to be complicated. They can happen during a car ride or while unloading the dishwasher. The goal is to help our children become thoughtful and wise, to show them how to think Christianly about the media they enjoy. We are not trying to raise critics. We are trying to raise worshippers who can recognize what honors God and what quietly pulls their hearts away from him.
The Bible encourages this kind of reflection. In 1 Thessalonians 5:21, Paul says, "Test everything; hold fast what is good." That kind of testing includes the stories and songs that shape our imaginations and desires.
Here are a few simple questions to help get the conversation started:
What message is this story or song trying to send?
Who is the hero, and what are they fighting for?
What kind of actions or values are celebrated?
Does this help me love God and others more or less?
Is there any truth in this that matches what the Bible says?
Is there anything here that feels like a subtle lie?
In her book Parenting Without Panic, Rachel Gilson gives a great example of this. When her daughter asked about the same-sex romantic relationships in the show She-Ra, Rachel explained that God does not exist in that fictional world, so people live differently. It was a thoughtful and honest way to acknowledge that not every story reflects the truth of God's world. And it opened a door to talk about what God actually says.
Helping our kids ask these kinds of questions will not make them fearful or overly cautious. It will help them become wise. It will shape their hearts to love truth, to see through lies, and to grow in confidence that God's Word really is the best lens through which to view everything else.
Who is shaping your heart, thoughts, and desires?
Another vital question our kids need to hear often is: "Who is shaping your heart?" The people and voices we listen to most, whether it is a friend, a favorite YouTuber, or the latest trend on social media, do not just fill our time. They shape our hearts. What captures our attention eventually forms our desires.
Proverbs 4:23 reminds us, "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it."
This is not just a warning. It is a call to intentional formation. The heart is the control center of our life, and the voices we listen to play a powerful role in shaping what we love and what we live for.
Tony Reinke, in his book Competing Spectacles: Treasuring Christ in the Media Age, writes:
"The Christian's high calling is to guard the heart and its loves and desires. The worst trade in the universe is playing in the shallow pools of the world's spectacles instead of diving deep for the treasure of eternal worth."
As parents, it is not enough to tell our kids to guard their hearts. We have to model it. If we are constantly distracted by our phones, absorbed in shallow media, or anxious to keep up with cultural noise, our children will follow our example far more than our instruction.
Here are a few simple questions to help your children think about the voices shaping them:
Who do I listen to most during the week?
Am I placing another voice in the place of authority that belongs to the Bible alone?
Do the things I watch or hear make me love Jesus more or less?
What voice do I hear first in the morning: God's Word or the world's noise?
Jesus said, "Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also" (Matthew 6:21). Our task is not just to limit screen time but to help our kids treasure Christ above all. That begins with asking the right questions and living them out ourselves.
Conclusion
At the heart of all of this is a call to follow Jesus more closely. Screens are not the enemy, but they can easily distract us from what matters most. Our children do not just need rules. They need a vision of life where Christ is more beautiful than anything a screen can offer. As we disciple them in how to engage the world with wisdom and truth, we do it with our eyes fixed on Jesus, who alone can satisfy the desires of the heart.