If you’re raising kids or teenagers today, this question is not a matter of if but when: Why does God care about sex? And whether we realize it or not, we are already answering that question for them. Not just with our words, but with our tone, our comfort level, and sometimes even our silence.

For many of us, sex was never explicitly called “bad” growing up, but it often felt like it lived in that category. It was avoided, whispered about, or treated as something slightly embarrassing. So even in good, faithful homes, kids can grow up assuming that Christianity is at least a little uncomfortable with the idea of sex. That’s why it matters that we don’t just give our kids rules, but help them understand the reason behind those rules. Because underneath the question, “Why does God care about sex?” are deeper questions about identity, freedom, love, and what it means to live a good life. If we can help them see God’s heart here, we’re not just answering one question, we’re shaping how they see Him.

God Cares About Sex Because He Designed It

One of the most important things we can help our kids understand is that the Bible is not anti-sex. In fact, it is unapologetically pro-sex, just not in the way our culture tends to frame it. Scripture presents sex as something intentional, meaningful, and good. From the very beginning, God created humanity as male and female and designed them to come together in a one-flesh union.¹ That means sex is not random or purely physical. It is deeply connected to God’s purposes for humanity.

Part of that purpose is procreation, but it’s not limited to that. As Sam Allberry points out, if human life is sacred, then the act that produces life is also sacred.² But beyond that, sex is also a reflection of God’s goodness. He could have designed reproduction in any number of ways, but He chose to make it relational, intimate, and even enjoyable. That tells us something about who He is. When God finished creating humanity, male and female, He didn’t hesitate or qualify His assessment. He declared it all “very good.”³ God is not embarrassed by bodies or desire or pleasure. He invented them, and He called them good.

Even more than that, the Bible shows us that sex points beyond itself. It is not just about two people, but about something bigger. The covenant of marriage, and the intimacy within it, is meant to reflect the relationship between Christ and His church.⁴ So when God places boundaries around sex, He is not trying to restrict joy. He is protecting something sacred, something that was always meant to carry deeper meaning than we often realize.

God Cares Because We Belong to Him

Another reason God cares about sex is because He cares about us, and Scripture makes it clear that we do not ultimately belong to ourselves. That idea runs directly against one of the strongest messages in our culture, which tells our kids that autonomy is everything. The phrase “my body, my choice” captures that mindset well. It sounds freeing, but it also assumes that no one has the authority to speak into what we do with our bodies.

The apostle Paul offers a very different perspective. He reminds believers that “you are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.”⁵ That is not language meant to restrict us, but to ground us in something deeper. If we belong to Christ, then our bodies matter. Our sexuality matters. Not because God is controlling, but because He is loving and invested in every part of who we are.

The world tends to treat the body as a tool, something to use for pleasure or self-expression. But Scripture speaks of the body as a temple of the Holy Spirit.⁵ It is not disposable, and it is not separate from our identity. We are not souls trapped in bodies. We are embodied souls, created by God on purpose. That means our sexuality is not primarily about our preferences or desires, but about honoring the One who made us and redeemed us. So instead of saying, “My body, my choice,” the Christian learns to say, “My body, His glory,” trusting that the One who made us knows what will truly lead to our good.

God Cares Because Misusing Sex Hurts Us

When the Bible speaks clearly about sexual boundaries, it is not being arbitrary or overly restrictive. It is being protective. Paul writes that God’s will for us is our sanctification, which includes learning to control our bodies in holiness and honor.⁶ That language may sound strong, but it reflects a deeper truth. God is not trying to keep us from joy. He is trying to keep us from harm.

One simple way to explain this to kids is to compare sex to fire. Fire in the right place, like a fireplace or a stove, brings warmth and life. But in the wrong place, it can be destructive. Sex works the same way. It is a beautiful gift within the covenant of marriage, but when it is taken outside of that context, it often leads to pain rather than flourishing.

Tim Keller describes how sex without commitment can subtly turn people into consumers. Instead of giving ourselves in love, we begin to evaluate, perform, and even market ourselves in order to be accepted.⁷ That kind of dynamic is exhausting, and it stands in sharp contrast to the gospel. The gospel tells us that we are loved before we perform. But in a culture shaped by what Keller calls “consumer relationships,” love often feels conditional, something we have to earn and maintain.

This is why God’s design, which many people see as restrictive, is actually freeing. It creates a context where intimacy is safe, where people are not used, and where love is rooted in covenant rather than performance. God’s boundaries are not a cage. They are a framework for real joy.

Helping Our Kids See Through Cultural Lies

As parents, we are not having this conversation in a vacuum. Our kids are being shaped every day by messages from social media, school, and the broader culture. Many of those messages sound compelling, but they rest on assumptions that Scripture challenges.

One of the most common ideas is that sex is primarily about personal fulfillment. The Bible, however, presents sex as something that is meant to be self-giving. It is not about taking what I want, but about loving another person within a committed covenant. Another widespread belief is that our bodies and our identities are separate, as if who we are internally can be detached from our physical reality. But Scripture never treats the body as irrelevant. In fact, the incarnation itself shows us how much the body matters. Jesus did not simply appear human; He took on a real body, lived in it, died in it, and was raised in it.⁸

Similarly, the idea that our bodies are just shells that can be reshaped to match our internal sense of self does not fit with the biblical picture of creation. While our feelings can be complex and sometimes confusing, Scripture points us back to the wisdom of our Creator. As Rachel Gilson writes, we can learn to trust our bodies as part of how God reveals who we are.⁹ That does not mean every question is simple, but it does mean God’s design is not arbitrary or untrustworthy.

Then there is the phrase “love is love,” which resonates deeply with our culture’s desire for acceptance and kindness. Christians should affirm the dignity of every person and reject cruelty or mockery. But Scripture also teaches that love is not merely defined by sincerity or intensity of feeling. Real love is shaped by truth, and not every expression of desire aligns with God’s design. To affirm everything without discernment may feel compassionate in the moment, but it can ultimately lead people away from what is truly good.

Teaching Our Kids How to Love Well

This is where many parents feel the tension most acutely. How do we hold firm convictions while still loving people well? The answer is not to choose between truth and love, but to hold them together the way Jesus does.

I know too many people who struggle with some kind of sexual immorality that have been hurt by overzealous Christians who have turned something as beautiful as a Biblical sexual ethic into a weapon. We want our kids to see people who disagree with them not as enemies, but as neighbors. That means teaching them to listen carefully, to treat others with dignity, and to build real friendships even when there is deep disagreement. It also means helping them understand that kindness is not compromise. In fact, Scripture calls us to speak the truth in love, which requires both courage and gentleness.¹⁰

At the same time, we want to remind our kids that the gospel levels the ground. The need for grace is not limited to one group of people. Whether someone is struggling with sexual sin, pride, anger, or anything else, we all come to God the same way, in need of mercy. That posture keeps us humble and helps our kids avoid the trap of self-righteousness.

A Final Word for Parents (and for Our Kids)

At its core, this conversation is not just about sex. It is about the gospel. Every one of us is broken in some way, and that includes our sexuality, whether through temptation, failure, confusion, or wounds we carry. But the good news is that Jesus does not wait for us to fix ourselves before coming to Him. He invites us as we are.

At the cross, He took our guilt and shame. In His resurrection, He offers forgiveness, cleansing, and a new identity that is not defined by our past or our struggles, but by His love. That is the message our kids need to hear again and again.

So when hard questions come, don’t panic or shut the conversation down. Lean in. Create space for honesty. And remind your kids that there is no question too uncomfortable and no struggle too messy for Jesus. He does not turn away from those who come to Him. He welcomes them.

And they do not have to walk through any of this alone.

Footnotes

1. Genesis 2:24 (ESV)

2. Sam Allberry, Is God Anti-Gay? (The Good Book Company, 2013)

3. Genesis 1:31 (ESV)

4. Ephesians 5:31–32 (ESV)

5. 1 Corinthians 6:19–20 (ESV)

6. 1 Thessalonians 4:3–5 (ESV)

7. Tim Keller, The Meaning of Marriage (Dutton, 2011)

8. 1 Corinthians 15:42–44 (ESV)

9. Rachel Gilson, Born Again This Way (The Good Book Company, 2020)

10. Ephesians 4:15 (ESV)

*This post grew out of a class I taught at my local church. The books and authors referenced here are ones I’ve personally read and benefited from. I also used AI as a tool to assist with editing and formatting the article.

If you are raising teenagers, chances are you have heard questions that feel a little uncomfortable. Not the easy ones, but the deeper ones.

Why do I need God?

Does faith actually matter?

Is Christianity good for my life, or just something people used to believe?

For many parents, these questions create a bit of anxiety. We worry that if we do not answer well, our kids might walk away from their faith. But honest questions are not the enemy of faith. Throughout Scripture, faithful people wrestled with difficult questions. Job cried out to God in confusion. The psalms are full of people asking God why. The issue was never the question itself. The issue was the posture of the heart.

Questions about God, truth, identity, and suffering are part of growing up in a complicated world. This series, “Questions Teens Ask and How to Answer Them,” is meant to help parents engage those conversations with wisdom and confidence.

The real danger is when questions stay hidden. When teenagers feel they cannot voice their doubts, those doubts tend to grow quietly in the background. But when questions come into the light, they can actually become an opportunity for deeper faith.

When a teenager asks, “Why do I need God?” the best response is not panic. It is an invitation to think carefully about the world and about life itself.

There are several ways parents can help their kids begin thinking through that question.

First, we need God because without Him life ultimately has no lasting meaning.

Our culture constantly tells teenagers that they must create their own identity and build their own purpose. At first that sounds empowering. But if there is no God, the responsibility to create meaning falls entirely on us. That is a heavy burden for anyone to carry.

Tim Keller once summarized the problem this way: “If there is no God, if this world is all there is, your origin is an accident and your destiny is non-existent.”¹

You can illustrate this with a simple question. Ask your child who the richest person in the world is today. Many teenagers will say Elon Musk. But then ask another question: who was the richest person alive fifty years ago? The answer was J. Paul Getty, an oil tycoon whose name most people barely remember.

Even the greatest achievements fade with time.

But Christianity offers a different kind of meaning. The apostle Peter writes that through the resurrection of Jesus Christ we receive “an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you” (1 Peter 1:4). The meaning God gives our lives cannot be erased by time, failure, or death. It might not be as flashy, but it is eternal.

Second, we need God because without Him there is no objective standard for right and wrong.

Teenagers care deeply about justice. They instinctively believe that cruelty, oppression, and abuse are wrong. This is a good impulse, and one that Scripture affirms. But it is worth asking where that moral instinct comes from.

Nature itself does not operate on moral laws. A lion is not immoral for killing a gazelle. Animals simply follow instinct.

Yet human beings feel a deep conviction that some things are truly evil.

The historian Yuval Noah Harari, who does not share the Christian faith, admits that modern ideas about equality originally came from Christianity’s belief that every person has a divinely created soul. Without that belief, he concludes that human rights ultimately exist only in the imagination.²

The Bible explains this tension clearly. Human beings know right from wrong because we are made in the image of God. Morality is not simply a social agreement. It reflects the character of the God who made us.

God does not merely command what is good. He is good. And without God, there is no grounds for morality that we can trust.

Third, we need God because the biblical story explains our world better than any other explanation.

The Bible tells a story that helps us make sense of life. Christians often summarize that story in four movements: creation, fall, redemption, and future glory.

Creation explains why the world is beautiful and meaningful in a way that the alternative cannot. If there is no creation, everything is an accident and lacks meaning and purpose.

The fall explains why it is broken and filled with suffering. Our hearts know this in ways science can’t explain.

Redemption explains our longing for forgiveness and restoration.

And future glory explains our hope that evil will not win in the end.

C.S. Lewis captured this idea in a famous observation: “If I find in myself desires which nothing in this world can satisfy, the only logical explanation is that I was made for another world.”³

Teenagers feel this longing even when they cannot fully explain it. The story of the Bible makes sense of those deep desires.

Finally, we need God because if we try to be our own god, we quickly discover we are not enough.

Our culture encourages young people to define themselves and determine their own worth. That may sound freeing at first, but it comes with enormous pressure. If there is no God, then each person must decide who they are, what they are worth, and whether they measure up.

Author Alan Noble describes the burden this way: “With no God to judge or justify me, I have to be my own judge and redeemer.”⁴

But we were never meant to carry that weight.

Christianity does not say, “Try harder to save yourself.” The gospel says something much better. It tells us that Jesus is the King who rescues us from sin, guilt, and even from ourselves.

For parents, this is the heart of the conversation. Our goal is not to win debates with our teenagers. It is to help them see that Christianity is not just a set of rules or traditions. It is the story that makes sense of their lives and offers the hope their hearts are already searching for.

And when that realization begins to take root, the question slowly changes.

Instead of asking, “Why do I need God?” they begin to ask something far more hopeful:

“What if God is exactly what I’ve been looking for all along?”

References

1. Timothy Keller, The Reason for God: Belief in an Age of Skepticism (New York: Penguin Books, 2008).

2. Yuval Noah Harari, Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind (New York: Harper, 2015).

3. C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity (New York: HarperOne, 1952).

4. O. Alan Noble, You Are Not Your Own: Belonging to God in an Inhuman World (Downers Grove, IL: IVP, 2021).

Reading is one of my favorite things to do. Not only is it a big part of my job, but I also genuinely enjoy it as a hobby. Every year, my goal is to read around 60 books from a wide range of genres. As we close out the year, I wanted to share my five favorite books I read in 2025 and that I would recommend to other believers.

These are not necessarily books that were published this year, but books I read this year. They are not listed in any particular order, but I found all of them formative, encouraging, and helpful for my walk as a believer.

Tim Keller on the Christian Life: The Transforming Power of the Gospel

Matt Smethurst

It is no secret that I am a big fan of Tim Keller. Few men have influenced my faith as deeply as Keller did through his preaching and writing. While this book is not exhaustive (nor is it meant to be), it serves as a wonderful summary of his teaching.

Smethurst does a fantastic job synthesizing Keller’s work by devoting each chapter to a key aspect of the Christian life such as grace, love, friendship, vocation, prayer, and suffering. The book is beautifully written, and Smethurst’s pastoral heart shines through, not merely echoing Keller’s ideas but thoughtfully extending them.

Hope in Times of Fear: The Resurrection and the Meaning of Easter

Timothy J. Keller

I know, I know… it’s Keller again. But this book really was fantastic.

To be honest, part of the reason it took me longer than expected to start reading this one was because I assumed it was an Easter devotional. I thought I had to wait until the right season. I was wrong. Very wrong.

In what would become his final published book, Keller beautifully captures the upside-down nature of the Kingdom of God and shows how the resurrection reshapes our everyday lives. This is classic Keller: clear, hopeful, deeply biblical, and profoundly pastoral. I will definitely be returning to this book in the years to come.

The Art of Disagreeing: How to Keep Calm and Stay Friends in Hard Conversations

Gavin Ortlund

This small book is one I would recommend to every Christian.

In an age marked by outrage and constant disagreement, I found this book to be especially timely and helpful. Ortlund writes with a pastoral tone and offers practical wisdom for navigating disagreement in a distinctly Christian way. It is a short read, but it is thoughtful, convicting, and well worth your time.

Lest We Drift: Five Departure Dangers from the One True Gospel

Jared C. Wilson

If you’ve ever looked at my bookshelf, you know I really appreciate Jared Wilson’s writing. In a culture of loud extremes, I consistently find his voice helpful, so I expected to enjoy this book. Even so, it surpassed my expectations.

As someone who was greatly influenced by the Young, Restless, and Reformed movement and the emphasis on gospel centrality, I appreciated the way Wilson evaluates both the strengths and the excesses of those moments. He manages to offer honest critique while still pointing us forward with hope rather than despair. Although the book is written with pastors in mind, I thoroughly enjoyed it and found it personally enriching.

Scrolling Ourselves to Death: Reclaiming Life in a Digital Age

Edited by Brett McCracken

This was another book that surprised me this year. I picked it up almost as an afterthought, mostly because I am not always a fan of multi-author volumes. But I found this book incredibly helpful in diagnosing one of the great maladies of our digital age: doomscrolling.

As the title suggests, this book draws heavily from Neil Postman’s now-classic Amusing Ourselves to Death. While it can feel a bit repetitive at times, McCracken and his team do an excellent job applying Postman’s warnings to our current moment. I found the book packed with useful insight, while also remaining practical and encouraging.

Anyone who has read my posts over the last year knows how strongly I believe we must prepare ourselves, both as parents and as believers, to engage the digital world wisely. Not by hiding from technology or isolating ourselves from it, but by growing in our understanding of it.

The Risen King: 40 Devotions for Easter from C. H. Spurgeon

Charles H. Spurgeon, edited by Jeff Medders

This final book is simply a joy to read.

Spending time with Spurgeon is always a delight, and Jeff Medders did a fantastic job putting this collection together. Sorting through Spurgeon’s writings has to be as overwhelming as it is enjoyable, and Medders clearly selected some real treasures. This is the kind of book you savor slowly and return to often.

Thanks, Jeff.

Final Word

Looking back on my reading this year, I’m grateful not just for good books, but for faithful voices that helped steady my heart, sharpen my thinking, and remind me of what really matters. Some books challenge us, others comfort us, and the best ones seem to do both at the same time. These did that for me.

As we look ahead to another year of reading, my encouragement is simple: read widely, but read deeply. Read books that stretch you, books that slow you down, and books that help you see Christ more clearly. But remember, no book, no matter how helpful or well written, can do what only the gospel does.

The goal of reading isn’t self-improvement or theological bragging rights. It’s formation. It’s becoming the kind of people who are more rooted in grace, more patient with others, and more hopeful in a weary world. If your reading leads you to love Christ more, trust him more deeply, and depend on him more fully, then it’s doing its job.

So as you plan your reading for the year ahead, don’t just ask, What should I read? Ask, Who is this shaping me to become? And above all, keep returning to the greatest story ever told. Every good book can point us there, but only the gospel can save, sustain, and transform us.

Happy reading.

Growing up, my family and I would often fly from Guatemala to Orlando for our family vacations. While in Orlando we would ride every ride and roller coaster available. The bigger and faster, the better. So on our flights back home, anytime the plane hit turbulence, my brother and I would raise our arms and laugh as if it were a roller coaster. I remember genuinely not understanding why older people looked nervous during turbulence; honestly, I found it amusing.

That all changed about five years ago. While flying to Colombia, the turbulence was so violent that the wings of the plane looked like a bird flapping. It was terrifying. Even though my mind knows the chances of an accident are extremely small, my body still tenses up every time the plane moves.

Over time, I realized I had developed a coping mechanism: I would look at the flight attendants. If they seemed calm, I told myself I didn’t need to worry. The problem, of course, is that I was trying to fight my anxiety by looking at someone who has absolutely no power to keep me safe.

I share this embarrassing story because it illustrates what our hearts often do when we’re anxious: we instinctively fix our eyes on something or someone who can’t carry the weight of our fear.

And when our children are struggling with anxiety, we need to make sure we don’t point them toward things that can’t actually help them. Instead, we want to lovingly teach them to turn to the God who rules over all things. Below are a few practical ways to train our kids to look to the Lord in their moments of fear.

Remind them often that The Lord Is Near (Phil. 4:4–7)

The first and most important thing we can do for our children is to model with our lives and actions that the Lord is near us. Paul tells the Philippians:

“Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:4–7 ESV

The way we respond to trouble and uncertainty will train our children for their times of anxiety. Paul gives us a truth in this passage that can serve as a pillow for us to rest on–The Lord is at hand!

Our God is not far from us. He is available and quick to listen. So when our child is anxious, let’s teach them to cast their anxieties before the Lord. When the things we tell our children are not backed up by our example, the quickly become platitudes. Our patient God meets anxiety relationally, not by throwing slogans our way. So, let us lead the way to the throne in prayer where they can truly find peace.

As we do this, we are modeling dependence and shatter any illusion of control we might think we have.

Teaching Truthful Thinking

The next thing we can do is to teach our kids that Gospel truth is more dependable than our perceived reality. We are limited in our scope of what we know and what we can see. So when we feel like life is headed in the wrong direction, it is helpful to turn to the words to the God who cannot lie. The God that has told us that he will always be with us. This is why Paul was able to say:

“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28 ESV

What we know by faith is more real than the things we see with our eyes. Our faith is not strong because of our ability to muster faith, but because the object of our faith is good, strong, and steadfast.

Listen to their fears

One of the best things we can do for our kids is to really listen to them when they are voicing their fears. If you’re anything like me, you might be quick to dismiss their concerns and point out why they are not reasonable or likely scenarios. But what if instead we were to listen and help them trace the root cause of those fears?

We have a God that models this by repeatedly inviting us to bring our fears and requests to him. God listens to our fears even when they are baseless, and he patiently ministers to our hearts. It is in the very act of voicing our fears and needs before his presence that we find peace.

Teach them to identify what they treasure

Peace is not found in the things we know or believe but in the things we treasure. Knowing and believing are very important, but they are only transforming when we also treasure them. In an article for the Gospel Coalition, Caleb Batchelor says “If you will treasure God more than the cares of this world, then you can trust God through the cares of this world.”

We need to teach our children that our anxieties often reveal the things we truly treasure. This is helpful when identifying the idols of our hearts. In the same article, Batchelor says “If your treasure is on earth, your emotional stability is unsafe.”

As parents, we don’t have the power to calm every storm our children will face, just as I can’t control the turbulence on a flight. But what we can do is help them look in the right direction. Not to powerless things. Not to their own strength. Not even to us as their ultimate safety net.

We can teach them to look to the One who never panics.

The One who holds all things together.

The One who says, “I am with you always.”

The One whose peace is stronger than their fear.

When we remind them that the Lord is near, when we help them think truthfully, when we listen patiently to their fears, and when we shepherd them toward treasuring Christ above everything else, we are training them to fix their eyes on the only One who can actually quiet their anxious hearts.

May God give us grace to model this kind of trust, and may our kids grow up knowing not just the idea of God’s peace, but the presence of the God who gives it.

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In the next few days, my oldest son turns 12, which is hard to believe considering he was only 3 weeks ago, or so it feels. For some reason, I remember clearly when I turned 12. As I was on the verge of my teen years, I felt like I was basically an adult and remember thinking I should be allowed to sit at the table with the adults. Looking back, even though I wouldn’t say my teen years were rough, they were definitely a confusing season. So I would lie if I said I’m not nervous about my kids approaching that season of life. I don’t say this because there is anything in them that worries me, but my kids are growing up in a cultural moment far different from the one I did. Their emotional landscape is shaped by forces that didn’t exist a generation ago.

One of the areas I am particularly concerned about is that kids are growing up in a world where the rates of anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts are skyrocketing. So as parents, it is important we prepare our children to navigate an already very emotionally unhealthy world.

For this reason, I decided to explore this topic. Today, I want to start by understanding the anxiety epidemic and the factors that exacerbate it. Then in the weeks that follow I want to explore how the gospel equips us to shepherd our children in this area. I am doing this for my own family’s benefit, but if you find it helpful, you’re welcome to join me in this journey.

See the Cultural Landscape Clearly

If you’ve talked to me in the last couple of years about this topic, you would know I really like the work of Jonathan Haidt. He does a fantastic job diagnosing some of the cultural issues we are facing, but since he isn’t a believer, I feel like the solutions he offers fall a little short at times. His book “The Anxious Generation”, though, is particularly helpful in this topic. In it, he explains that over the past decade, there has been a dramatic shift in childhood itself. He calls it “The Great Rewiring of Childhood.”1 He says two things happened at once:

• Children became overprotected in the real world. In the name of safety, my generation allows less free play, and tends to over-supervise children.

• On the other hand, children became under-protected in the virtual world, gaining 24/7 access to algorithm-driven platforms designed to keep their attention.

Rates of anxiety, depression, and self-harm began to climb sharply around 2012, the year smartphones and social media became widespread among teens. I feel for those who had to parent during that era, because no one could have predicted how serious the consequences would be of allowing children to grow up with screens. Those of us parenting today no longer have that excuse. It is well documented how screens and social media in particular have wreaked havoc on the emotions of Gen Z.

Instagram for example, fuels comparison through curated images and face filters which have shaped our youth self-image and heightened their insecurity. TikTok has fragmented their attention and ability to focus in addition to catastrophizing the world around them. Teens are constantly fed exaggerated or misinformed “end of the world” narratives. With that said, social media is only one of the ingredients of this anxiety crisis.

Polarized politics and international wars coming on the tail of a worldwide pandemic have created a cultural mood of anxiety and fear. On top of that, in an age where Columbine-like happen on a weekly basis and our kids are having to do drills and lockdowns on a regular basis, it is no wonder anxiety is skyrocketing.

This is the world our children are growing up in. Identifying it clearly isn’t alarmist, it’s an important part of our parenting. But if we stop here, all we’re left with is fear and a pressure to perform, and neither of those is enough to steady our children’s souls.

What the Gospel tells us about anxiety

The good news is that Jesus steps into anxious worlds. Even though he came into a smartphoneless world in a very different cultural setting, he entered a time marked by political turmoil, violence, and fear. His people lived under foreign occupation, with constant threats of war, cultural confusion, and religious tension. Into that world, Jesus didn’t offer mere coping techniques. He offered Himself.

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.” (John 14:27)

This is crucial for us as parents to believe. The peace Jesus gives is not circumstantial. It’s not dependent on the absence of threats, smartphones, misinformation, or cultural instability. His peace flows from His unchanging character and victorious reign. When He says, “Let not your hearts be troubled,” He’s inviting us to rest in Him.

Our kids don’t need parents who can control every area of their lives. That’s exhausting, and frankly, impossible. No amount of rule-setting, monitoring apps, or careful planning can shield them completely from an anxious world. What they do need are parents who see the world clearly but live anchored in the Prince of Peace.

They need moms and dads who:

• Believe the sovereignty of and kindness of God. We cannot model that which we don’t believe ourselves.

• Model where real security is found. We don’t have to do this through perfectly managed schedules or screen limits, but in modeling trust in a sovereign Savior who holds all things together (Col. 1:17).

• Bring their children’s fears to Jesus in prayer, teaching them to cast their anxieties on Him because He cares for them (1 Pet. 5:7).

• Live out Philippians 4:7. Paul reminds us in Philippians 4:7: And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (ESV)

• Demonstrate that Christ’s peace can guard hearts and minds even when the cultural ground shakes beneath us.

When we as parents are rooted in Christ’s peace, we become living signposts of stability for our children. Our home doesn’t have to be perfect or even free from all chaos to be a place of refuge. It simply needs to be one where the presence of Jesus is taken seriously, spoken of often, and leaned on daily.

Jesus has not abandoned this anxious generation. His peace isn’t fragile or theoretical. It is real, and it is powerful enough to steady both us and our children. In a world that feeds on fear, Christian families have the privilege of embodying a different story, one where anxiety does not have the final word because Christ does.

Hard Conversations

Over the years, I have had many conversations with people who wrestle with questions of sexuality and gender. Some have confided about same-sex attraction. Others have shared their struggles with gender identity. These conversations are often marked by tears, fear of rejection, and a longing for love and belonging.

What has always struck me is how heavy these burdens feel for the one who shares. Many who grew up in the church have internalized the idea that their struggles make them uniquely unworthy of God’s love. They sometimes assume that confessing them would end relationships with parents, siblings, or church family. I have also seen families respond in two equally damaging ways. Some, determined to be faithful to Scripture, have cut ties with their children or loved ones. Others, fearful of losing a relationship, have set aside biblical convictions and affirmed lifestyles Scripture calls sinful. Both responses fall short of the grace and truth of Jesus Christ.

The call of the Christian is to hold two truths together. God has made it clear in his Word that same-sex sexual relationships are outside of his design (Genesis 2; Leviticus 18:22; Romans 1:26–27; 1 Corinthians 6:9–10). At the same time, he has commanded us to love our neighbors as ourselves, including those we disagree with (Matthew 5:43–44). The tension is not something to resolve but a posture to embody.

Same-Sex Attraction

Our culture tells many lies about same-sex attraction. It claims that Christians hate the gay community, that God cannot change desires, that the Bible is silent on long-term monogamous same-sex relationships, and that because Jesus never directly mentioned homosexuality it cannot be sin. Perhaps most powerfully, it insists that sexual preference is core to a person’s identity.

As parents, we need to help our children untangle these lies with biblical truth. The gay community is not our enemy. They are a mission field, and most are captives to sin rather than rebels shaking a fist at God. Disagreeing with someone’s choices is not hatred. Same-sex attraction itself is not the same as homosexual practice, just as temptation is not the same as sin. And homosexuality is not the unforgivable sin.

It is also crucial for our children to understand that marriage, though a good gift, is not the ultimate goal of the Christian life. Scripture shows us that the deepest and most important relationship is not between spouses but between spiritual brothers and sisters united in Christ. Sam Allberry, who himself experiences same-sex attraction, has written that the gospel does not demean the love we feel, but it does tell us not to place our hope for ultimate satisfaction in romance or sex, but in Christ alone.² In the church, our mission is not to turn people into heterosexuals but to point them to Jesus.

Rachel Gilson explains that our goal is not heterosexuality, but holiness. Jesus is not after orientation change, but heart change.³ Ultimately, it is the work of the Spirit alone that can change our deepest desires. In other words, the aim is not to move someone from one category of desire to another but to call them into the transforming grace of Christ.

This is why it matters how we speak with our children. If at some point they experience same-sex attraction themselves, they need to know that our love for them has not changed and that our home is a place where they can talk openly without fear of rejection. Grace in our words creates the space for honesty.

The Transgender Debate

Alongside same-sex attraction, the transgender movement has rapidly reshaped the cultural landscape. At its core is the same separation of body and personhood we discussed earlier in this series. According to this view, the body is not an integral part of who we are but something malleable, even expendable. Gender becomes an identity you choose rather than a gift you receive.

This confusion has grown especially among young people. Nearly one in five teenagers today identifies as transgender, non-binary, or questioning.⁴ Experts have noticed the rise of “rapid-onset gender dysphoria,” particularly among adolescent girls immersed in social media. Behind these statistics are real children who are struggling to make sense of their bodies and their identities.

The transgender narrative tells them that biological sex and gender are unrelated, that surgery and hormones will bring freedom, and that discomfort with their body means they are in the wrong body. But Scripture tells a different story. God does not separate sex from gender. He created us male and female with purpose and wisdom. Puberty is difficult for everyone, and discomfort does not mean you have been made incorrectly. Hobbies or personality traits do not define whether someone is male or female.

Rebecca McLaughlin has said that if we care about people, we will care about their bodies, because their bodies are an essential part of who they are.⁵ To affirm sin is not the same as love. Real love tells the truth and offers grace. People who struggle with gender dysphoria are not enemies to defeat but neighbors to love, often carrying deep hurt.

And once again, the way we speak about this in our homes matters. If our children ever struggle with gender identity, they must know that they can come to us. Even as we teach them God’s truth, they must also be confident of our love.

Cultivating Grace and Truth

Parents, the way we talk about these issues in our homes will profoundly shape how our children respond. If we speak with scorn, they will learn to see people as enemies. If we speak with compassion while holding fast to God’s Word, they will learn to see people as image-bearers in need of grace, and in their time of need, they will feel comfortable coming to us. 

It is important we teach them that most who struggle with same-sex attraction or gender identity are captives rather than rebels. We can watch our words carefully, knowing our kids are listening. We can avoid panicking if our children express discomfort with their bodies, and we must be careful not to place extra-biblical expectations on what it means to be masculine or feminine. Above all, we must help them see those who are hurting not as opponents but as a mission field.

Tim Keller often reminded the church that truth without grace is not really truth, and grace without truth is not really grace.⁶ If we only tell people that they are wrong without showing them the Savior, we fail. If we only affirm them without calling them to repentance, we fail. But when we speak the truth in love, we reflect the heart of Christ.

A Better Story

Our culture promises freedom through self-expression, but God offers something far greater: life through Christ. Andrew Walker reminds us that rejecting God’s blueprint is not only rebellion, it is rejecting the very life that is for our good.⁷ The church has sometimes mishandled this conversation, treating sexual sin as if it were uniquely unforgivable. But the gospel tells us that Jesus died to save sinners of every kind and to offer forgiveness and new life to all who come to him.

This is the better story we must tell our children. Sexuality is not ultimate. Jesus is. Our hope is not in orientation change or identity labels, but in the transforming power of Christ, who alone makes us whole. If we want our children to hold on to this hope, they need to hear it from our lips spoken with conviction and grace, and they need to feel it in our homes as a love that never wavers, even when they struggle.

*This blog post is adapted from a class originally taught at Trinity Community Church as part of our series on parenting in a sexualized world. Some content has been edited for readability and format, but the core material reflects the teaching and discussion from that session.

Endnotes

1. Andrew T. Walker, God and the Transgender Debate (The Good Book Company, 2017).
   

2. Sam Allberry, Is God Anti-Gay? (The Good Book Company, 2013).
   

3. Rachel Gilson, Born Again This Way (The Good Book Company, 2020).
   

4. Pew Research Center, “About 5% of young adults in the U.S. say their gender is different from their sex assigned at birth” (2022).
   

5. Rebecca McLaughlin, Confronting Christianity: 12 Hard Questions for the World’s Largest Religion (Crossway, 2019).
   

6. Timothy Keller, Center Church (Zondervan, 2012).
   

Walker, God and the Transgender Debate.

Last week, we talked about sex positivity and how it promises freedom while delivering emptiness. This week, we need to address one of the most devastating outworkings of our hyper-sexualized world: pornography.

Porn isn’t a fringe issue out there. It is an epidemic that is shaping the hearts and minds of a generation, and it’s at our doorstep. The statistics are staggering. Studies suggest that the average age of first exposure to pornography is now between 11 and 12 years old, and by the time many teens graduate high school, the majority will have encountered it regularly.¹ For parents, this can feel overwhelming, but we cannot afford to be silent. If we want our children to see the beauty of God’s design for sex and marriage, we need to speak into the lies that pornography tells, now matter how awkward and uncomfortable these conversations might feel.

Why Porn Is So Dangerous

The problem with porn is that it forms and shapes our desires and imagination. As Carl Trueman reminds us, “The way we imagine the world is often more powerful than abstract arguments.”² Porn offers a vision of intimacy that is divorced from covenant love, responsibility, or sacrifice. It reshapes what people think of as “normal” and creates expectations that stand in direct opposition to God’s good design.

Neuroscience confirms what Scripture has always said: sin enslaves. Studies show that repeated porn use literally rewires the brain.³ Dopamine, the brain’s “pleasure chemical,” floods the system during porn use, creating an addictive cycle not unlike drugs. What once seemed thrilling quickly dulls, requiring more extreme content to achieve the same effect. This is why pornography use so often escalates over time.

At its root, pornography feeds on the same lie we have been tracing throughout this series: the lie of self-belonging. Alan Noble describes it this way:

“To be your own and belong to yourself means that the most fundamental truth about existence is that you are responsible for your existence and everything it entails.”⁴

Porn fits perfectly into this worldview. It offers a cheap and private escape where the self is king, where no one else matters, and where others exist only for consumption. What is promised as freedom, however, comes with chains.

I know the dangers of pornography, not just in theory but in practice. I grew up at a time when parents had no idea of the dangers of screens in the bedroom. I was first exposed to it in my early teens, and it quickly became a battle that lasted for many years. I know firsthand the way it ensnares, the way it produces shame, and how it isolates you in guilt. It is no joke. The enemy uses pornography to enslave, to whisper lies, and to keep young hearts bound in secrecy.

By God’s grace, I also know the freedom Christ brings. But that journey taught me just how devastating pornography can be when it gets a grip on a young life. Parents, our generation knows better, because we suffered the consequences of this endemic; this is why we cannot afford to ignore it. We must fight to protect our kids, not only by setting boundaries, but by helping them see the better story of God’s design for intimacy and love.

What Porn Teaches Our Kids

Even when kids aren’t actively seeking porn, they are being discipled by a pornified culture. And this by the way is not referring to boys only, nowadays an increasing number of girls are becoming addicted to porn. Rachel Gilson warns that one of the greatest threats to our children is silence: “If we don’t disciple our kids in their sexuality, the world will.”⁵ And porn is one of the loudest disciplers in our world today.

Here are some of the messages pornography communicates:

• Sex is about consumption, not covenant. People are objects to be used, not image-bearers to be loved.

• Pleasure is ultimate. The pursuit of sexual pleasure is framed as the highest good, even at the cost of others.

• Bodies and souls are separate. Just as we discussed last week with personhood theory, porn tells us the body can be used without regard to the whole person.

• Intimacy is easy. Porn divorces sex from faithfulness, forgiveness, and the messy but beautiful work of real relationships.

The Gospel Coalition put it well: “Porn doesn’t just distort sexuality—it distorts humanity. It tells us lies about what it means to be made in the image of God.”⁶

A Better Story

The good news is that Scripture offers a radically different vision. Paul tells the Corinthians:

“Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought with a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.” (1 Corinthians 6:19–20)

God designed sex as a covenantal gift, a fire that warms when kept in the hearth of marriage but burns destructively when loosed outside of it.⁷ Our task as parents is not only to warn our children about porn, but to give them a better imagination of sex as God intended it. Sex is meant to be sacred, joyful, and ordered toward love.

Rachel Gilson puts it beautifully: “We don’t combat the counterfeit by hiding from it, but by showing the real thing is far better.”⁸ That means we do not just tell our kids what not to do, but we help them see what true intimacy and covenant love look like in Christ.

Where Do We Go From Here?

So what does this mean for us as parents?

• Start the conversation early. Do not wait until middle school to talk about pornography. I personally recommend erring on the side of having this conversation too early rather than too late. I want the first time my kids hear about sex to come from us as parents and not their friends at school. Additionally, age-appropriate honesty helps your children trust you.

• Model repentance. If this has been a struggle in your own life, let your kids see how God’s grace restores and redeems. This type of conversation also needs to be age-appropriate.

• Offer a better vision. Teach your kids that sex is not ultimate. Jesus is. Sexual intimacy, in its proper place, is meant to point us to Him.

Just as any other sin, porn overpromises and always underdelivers. It promises intimacy but delivers loneliness. It promises freedom but enslaves. Only the Gospel offers the real thing: true belonging, true identity, and true purpose in Christ.

This conversation may feel uncomfortable, but silence is not an option. Our children are being discipled by someone. Let’s make sure it’s us, with God’s Word in hand, showing them the way of life.

*This blog post is adapted from a class originally taught at Trinity Community Church as part of our series on parenting in a sexualized world. Some content has been edited for readability and format, but the core material reflects the teaching and discussion from that session.

References

1. Barna Group, The Porn Phenomenon (2016).

2. Carl Trueman, The Rise and Triumph of the Modern Self (Crossway, 2020).

3. William Struthers, Wired for Intimacy: How Pornography Hijacks the Male Brain (IVP, 2010).

4. Alan Noble, You Are Not Your Own: Belonging to God in an Inhuman World (IVP, 2021).

5. Rachel Gilson, Parenting Without Panic (forthcoming, 2024).

6. Joe Carter, “The Porn Problem,” The Gospel Coalition (2018).

7. Rachel Joy Welcher, Talking Back to Purity Culture (IVP, 2020).

8. Rachel Gilson, Born Again This Way (The Good Book Company, 2020).

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“Sex works a lot like fire. When removed from its protective boundaries, it burns us and leaves scars. When brought and kept inside those covenanted boundaries, a sweet foretaste of the ultimate love feast between Christ and his Bride, the Church, is given”[^22].

Last week we looked at Charles Taylor’s idea of the social imaginary and how the Sexual Revolution has shaped the way our culture views the body and personhood. Today we are narrowing in on one key outworking of that cultural shift: sex positivity.

Next week we will turn our attention to the pornography epidemic. But for now, I want us to focus on the philosophy of sex positivity itself, because while it is often presented as inclusive and freeing, it is actually a counterfeit to the good and life-giving vision of sexuality God has given us in Scripture.

What Is Sex Positivity?

Sex positivity is a cultural movement that claims all consensual sexual activity is good and healthy, no matter its form. Even if you have never used the term, its ideas have soaked into music, entertainment, education, and social media. It celebrates sexual experimentation without moral boundaries, and it frames any form of moral judgment as harmful.

Wikipedia describes it as “an attitude towards human sexuality that regards all consensual sexual activities as fundamentally healthy and pleasurable, encouraging sexual pleasure and experimentation”[^23].

Mainstream outlets like Oprah Daily present it as a framework that begins by “tossing out” traditional definitions of what is sexually normal, replacing them with each individual’s personal interpretation of what feels genuine[^24].

On the surface, this sounds open-minded and accepting. But when we look closer, sex positivity is essentially relativism applied to sexuality. It claims there are no objective standards, yet it still has one: you cannot judge someone else’s sexual behavior[^25][^26].

The Lies of Sex Positivity

1. Sexual pleasure is a human right.

   Many advocacy groups frame sexual pleasure as essential to personal freedom, even tying it to human rights. But in a biblical view, sex is not a right we are owed; it is a gift from God, designed for the covenant of marriage.

2. Identity is tied to sexual desires.

   Sex positivity often equates sexual desires with a person’s core identity. That means any challenge to those desires is seen as an attack on the person themselves.

3. All sexual expressions are healthy.

   This belief encourages the pursuit of any sexual impulse, no matter how damaging or degrading.

4. Consent is the only boundary.

   In her Washington Post article “Consent is not enough. We need a new sexual ethic,” Christine Emba observes that the consent-only approach has left young adults “both liberated and miserable”[^27].

5. Self-control is suppression.

   The movement portrays moral restraint as repressive, when in reality, self-control is a fruit of the Spirit that safeguards joy and intimacy.

Why This Matters for Our Kids

Rachel Gilson writes in Parenting Without Panic that one of our main responsibilities as parents is to “discipline our children’s imaginations according to what is real.” That means showing them that their bodies, desires, and sexuality are part of God’s good design, not raw material for self-expression.

Alan Noble reminds us in You Are Not Your Own that when we define ourselves entirely on our own terms, the burden is crushing. Nowhere is this more true than in the area of sexuality. When kids are told they must invent their own sexual identity and boundaries, they are set up for confusion, anxiety, and deep hurt.

We want to give our children a positive view of sex, but not the counterfeit of sex positivity. The biblical vision is that sex is good, but it is also holy. It was created by God to be enjoyed within the covenant of marriage, not parceled out as a tool for self-fulfillment.

Truths to Pass On

• God created sex and called it good. The biblical vision of sex is not negative, it is life-giving.

• Not all judgments are bad. Right judgment according to God’s Word protects life and flourishing.

• Pleasure is a gift, not a god. When sexual pleasure is worshiped, it becomes destructive.

• The gospel, not moralism, is the answer. Purity is not about earning God’s favor, but about living in the freedom Christ purchased for us.

The Counterfeit vs. the Real Thing

Sex positivity promises freedom, but it delivers confusion and pain. The gospel offers something far better: a vision of sex rooted in covenant love, mutual self-giving, and joy that reflects the love between Christ and His Church.

As Gilson says, “We do not need to panic. We need to be faithful.” In a hyper-sexualized world, that means helping our children see through the counterfeits so they can embrace the beauty of God’s design.

Next week, we will take this conversation further by looking at the pornography epidemic and how it preys on the very lies sex positivity promotes.

[^22]: Rachel Joy Welcher, Talking Back to Purity Culture: Rediscovering Faithful Christian Sexuality.

[^23]: Allena Gabosch, “A Sex Positive Renaissance,” 2014-12-08.

[^24]: https://www.oprahdaily.com/life/relationships-love/a30028506/sex-positive-meaning/

[^25]: Hillary Morgan Ferrer & Amy Davison, Mama Bear Apologetics: Guide to Sexuality, p. 137.

[^26]: Borrowed from Joe Carter’s article, https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/incel-movement-repugnant-logic-sexual-revolution/

[^27]: Christine Emba, “Consent is not enough. We need a new sexual ethic,” Washington Post, March 17, 2022.

Over the last few weeks, we’ve been walking through some of the biggest questions our kids will face in today’s world: Who do I belong to? Who am I? Why am I here? These aren’t just abstract ideas. They shape how our children understand themselves, how they relate to others, and how they respond to the pressures of a world that is often confused and disoriented.

In this post, we’re turning our attention to one of the most foundational errors at the heart of our modern sexual culture: the belief that our bodies and our personhood can be separated.

The Social Imaginary

Charles Taylor, a Canadian philosopher, coined the term social imaginary to describe the way deeply embedded ideas shape how we understand the world. Most of us don’t consciously notice these ideas any more than a fish notices water.

Carl Trueman explains it like this:

“The way we think about the world is not primarily by way of rational arguments based on first principles. It is much more intuitive than that… The story of the modern self is not simply the story of big ideas thought by profound thinkers. It is the story of how the way we intuit or imagine the world has come to be.”¹

The sexual revolution has reshaped our social imaginary. What was once taboo is now normal. Sexual behaviors once seen as morally out of bounds are now celebrated. This didn’t happen overnight, and it didn’t just happen in universities or legislation, it happened in sitcoms, marketing, music, and school policies. It happened in the culture our children swim in.

The Sexual Revolution

The sexual revolution of the 1960s and 70s redefined how society views sex, marriage, gender, and the human body. From contraception to pornography, from no-fault divorce to the normalization of premarital sex, every cultural shift chipped away at the biblical vision of embodied, covenantal sexuality.

Add to that the rise of dating apps, which reduce people to profiles and appearances, and it’s no surprise that relationships today often feel shallow and transactional. All of it trains us and trains our kids to see people less as persons and more as consumable experiences.

But underneath all this is a much deeper philosophical shift: the separation of body and personhood.

The Separation of Body and Personhood

This idea, often referred to as personhood theory, teaches that your body is one thing, and your “real self” is something else entirely. According to this view, your body may be biologically male or female, but your true self is defined by your feelings, desires, or sense of identity.

Nancy Pearcey puts it this way:

PERSON

Has Moral and Legal Standing

____________________________

BODY

An Expendable Biological Organism²

She continues:

“Personhood theory thus presumes a very low view of the human body, which ultimately dehumanizes all of us. For if our bodies do not have inherent value, then a key part of our identity is devalued.”³

This belief is completely at odds with the Christian view of the human person. Scripture teaches that we are embodied souls, not souls trapped in bodies, but whole persons made in God’s image. Our bodies are not optional accessories. They are part of who we are.

Paul writes:

“The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body… Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.” (1 Corinthians 6:13–20)

Real-Life Consequences

This distorted view of humanity has profound consequences:

• Abortion: A fetus is seen as biologically human but not a person with rights. So long as the mother does not recognize the personhood, the body is considered expendable.

• Transgenderism: The body is seen as irrelevant to one’s gender or identity. Biology becomes a cage to escape rather than a gift to steward.

• Sex Positivity: If the body is just a tool, then sexual pleasure becomes the highest good. Consent is the only boundary.

• Physician-Assisted Suicide: If your body no longer brings happiness, it is seen as your right to discard it.

These views are not neutral. They are forming how our children view themselves and others. As parents, we cannot ignore this. We must help them see their bodies not as accidents or burdens, but as sacred gifts meant to glorify God.

So What Do We Do?

We start by discipling them with a Christian vision of the world. Hillary Morgan Ferrer and Amy Davison offer several truths in Mama Bear Apologetics: Guide to Sexuality that are helpful in building what we might call a Christian imaginary:

• God is the foundation of all reality and truth (John 1:1–3). Truth is not created, it is revealed.

• Truth is discovered, not invented. It is found in creation (Romans 1:20), in Scripture (2 Timothy 3:16), and through the Spirit (John 14:26).

• Humans are created in the image of God, which means our value is given, not earned.

• God created with a purpose (our telos). The most satisfying life is one lived in worship and relationship with God, others, and His creation.

• God’s moral law is part of that purpose. Obedience is not about restriction. It is the path to joy.

• Sin has distorted everything. The world is broken, and this explains the confusion around us.

• We cannot fulfill our purpose without Christ. Redemption is not self-help. It’s resurrection.

• Not everything is redeemed yet. We live in a broken world, but we hope in a coming one.

• One day, all will be made new. Our bodies, our hearts, our relationships, everything.

Rachel Gilson reminds us that one of the greatest gifts we can give our children is to tell them a better story, one that anchors their identity, desires, and bodies in the truth of Scripture. In Parenting Without Panic, she encourages parents to “discipline their imaginations according to what is real,” helping kids see that the body is not an obstacle to who they are, but a God-given part of their identity that was “created good” and is destined for redemption in Christ.⁴

We help our children resist cultural confusion not only by telling them what is wrong, but by offering them something more beautiful and true. As Gilson writes, “Our job is not to create truth but to pass on what we’ve received from the Lord. We don’t need to panic. We need to be faithful.”⁵

This is the vision our kids need. A world where the body matters, where obedience is beautiful, and where identity is rooted not in feelings but in Christ.

Let’s help them see that they don’t have to figure it all out on their own. They are not their own. They were bought with a price. And the One who bought them is making all things new.

(This blog post is adapted from a class originally taught at Trinity Community Church as part of our series on parenting in a sexualized world. Some content has been edited for readability and format, but the core material reflects the teaching and discussion from that session.)

Footnotes:

1. Carl R. Trueman, The Rise and Triumph of the Modern Self (Crossway, 2020), 38.

2. Nancy Pearcey, Love Thy Body (Baker Books, 2018), Diagram p. 34.

3. Ibid., 35.

4. Rachel Gilson, Parenting Without Panic (The Good Book Company, 2024), Chapter 4.

5. Ibid., Introduction.

6. Hillary Morgan Ferrer and Amy Davison, Mama Bear Apologetics: Guide to Sexuality (Harvest House, 2021), various chapters.

7. 1 Corinthians 6:13–20 (ESV).

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Before we dive into this week’s post, I want to apologize for not posting recently. Over the past two weeks, I had the opportunity to travel to Bolivia on a mission trip, and I had the joy of bringing my son Thiago with me. We served at an orphanage called Casa de Esperanza  together, and during that time, he was able to see firsthand that even as a kid, he can play a meaningful role in God’s mission. Watching him serve, listen, and encourage others reminded me just how important it is to include our children in ministry and not just talk to them about it.

I want my son to know that his life has a God-given purpose that goes far beyond his comfort, desires, or personal dreams. He is part of the body of Christ, and that body has a mission. He belongs to something bigger than himself.

That idea is exactly what we’re exploring today: What is our purpose?

If our children believe they belong to Christ and that their identity is found in Him, there is one more question they will inevitably ask: What am I here for? And depending on the answer, they will either grow weary trying to prove their value or walk in joyful obedience to the purpose God has already given them.

We live in a culture that insists each person must create their own meaning. From early ages, kids are told to chase their dreams, find their passion, and make something of themselves. That sounds inspiring, but in reality it puts enormous pressure on young hearts to figure everything out and get it right. If you are the one responsible for crafting your own meaning, then any failure or misstep feels catastrophic.

A few years ago, I came across a tweet from Taylor Swift that captures this well. She wrote:

“I know it can be really overwhelming figuring out who to be, and when. Who you are now and how to act in order to get where you want to go. I have some good news: it’s totally up to you. I also have some terrifying news: it’s totally up to you.”¹

That is exactly the kind of pressure our kids are under. They are led to believe that their identity and purpose are something that I have to come up with, and this is an overwhelming concept. But the Bible gives us a far better story. One in which we don’t make up our purpose, we receive it.

Carl Trueman describes the modern mindset this way:

“A mimetic view regards the world as having a given order and a given meaning and thus sees human beings as required to discover that meaning and conform themselves to it. Poiesis, by way of contrast, sees the world as so much raw material out of which meaning and purpose can be created by the individual.”²

In other words, our culture treats the world as a blank canvas and tells each person to become their own artist, designer, and author of purpose. Christianity, on the other hand, says that the canvas has already been painted by God. Our job is not to invent our purpose but to live in joyful alignment with the purpose He has already revealed.

That is why the first question in the Westminster Shorter Catechism is so important:

“What is the chief end of man? Man’s chief end is to glorify God and to enjoy Him forever.”³

That answer is both freeing and grounding. It reminds us that our lives are not random. We were made to reflect God’s glory and find our joy in Him. And if we are going to raise kids who can resist the lies of a sexualized, self-focused culture, we must teach them this early.

Because here is the reality. If our kids believe they belong to themselves, and that their identity is theirs to define, they will also assume that their purpose is theirs to decide. In that mindset, the highest goal becomes personal happiness. But happiness is an ever-moving target. What made us happy at age 7 does not work at age 17, and it likely will not hold up at 27. If purpose is tied to our shifting desires, it will always leave us restless.

That is why grounding our children in God’s purpose is essential. Paul reminds the Ephesians:

“He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before Him. In love He predestined us for adoption to Himself as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of His will, to the praise of His glorious grace.” (Ephesians 1:4–6)

According to this passage, God's purpose for His children is clear. We were made:

• To be holy

• To live as adopted sons and daughters

• To praise His glorious grace

This is what we were made for. And when we live into that purpose, we discover that glorifying God and enjoying Him are not competing goals. They are one and the same. As John Piper has famously put it, “God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him.”⁴

That truth runs against everything our culture says about purpose. Disney tells our children to break the rules, follow their hearts, and chase their dreams. But Scripture tells them to lay down their lives and follow Christ. Jesus Himself said:

“If anyone would come after Me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow Me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.” (Matthew 16:24–25)

That is the paradox of the Christian life. True purpose, true joy, and true freedom are found not in self-expression but in self-denial. Not in chasing meaning but in receiving it from the One who made us.

If we want to raise faithful disciples in a sexualized and confused world, we must disciple them into a purpose that is bigger than themselves. They were not made to follow their hearts. They were made to follow Christ.

So let’s teach them this. Let’s remind them that they do not belong to themselves. Their identity is not up for grabs. And their purpose is not up to them. It is already written, and it is a good one.

Footnotes:

1. Taylor Swift, Twitter, November 2019.

2. Carl R. Trueman, The Rise and Triumph of the Modern Self (Crossway, 2020), 40–41.

3. Westminster Shorter Catechism, Question 1.

John Piper, Desiring God: Meditations of a Christian Hedonist (Multnomah, 1986), 10.

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This week was a busy one for me, so this post will be a bit on the shorter side. But here we go:

One of the most exhausting pressures our kids face today is the demand to define themselves. The world tells them their identity is something they must discover, express, and constantly curate.

Alan Noble puts it plainly:

“If I belong to myself, then I am the only one who can set limits on who I am or what I can do. No one else has the right to define me, to choose my journey in life, or to assure me that I am okay.”1

And because we’ve abandoned the idea of a God-given identity, our kids are left trying to make one up. Often, that means presenting a version of themselves that is lovable, impressive, or different enough to feel special.

You see it in social media personas, in fashion trends, in the obsession with being "authentic." But even authenticity has its limits. Our culture only applauds your authenticity when it fits the cultural script.

Tim Keller gives a helpful illustration. Imagine a young man in medieval Europe who finds inside himself to sinful impusles, he feels both violent and attracted to the same sex. At that cultural moment, he would most likely suppress the attraction and celebrate his aggression, because that’s what his culture celebrated as noble. Now fast forward to New York City today. That same young man would be encouraged to suppress his aggression and express his sexual desires.2

What changed? The heart? No, the cultural script did. When identity is rooted in the self, it becomes a game of choosing which feelings to validate based on what society applauds at the moment.

That’s why the pressure to be "your authentic self" is so heavy. It sounds freeing, but it’s actually another form of performance.

This is where Christian identity is so different.

Peter reminds believers:

“You are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession… Once you were not a people, but now you are God’s people.” (1 Peter 2:9–10)

Our identity isn’t something we make up. It’s something we receive. We are created in God’s image, redeemed by Christ, and adopted into God’s family. That means our worth isn’t rooted in how we look, how we perform, or how others perceive us. It’s rooted in what God has done.

And if our kids don’t know that, they will spend their lives trying to earn it.

When identity becomes a project, even good things, like theology, interests, or political views, can just become more ways to define ourselves and compare ourselves to others. That’s why conversations online escalate so quickly. Disagreeing with someone’s opinion feels like attacking their core identity.

The solution isn’t to find a better identity within ourselves. It’s to receive the identity God has already given us in Christ.

Rebecca McLaughlin writes:

“If you are in Christ, you are loved not because of anything you’ve done, but because of what Jesus has done. You are not just accepted—you are adopted.”3

If our kids can rest in that truth, they will be less likely to fall for the lies that identity must be earned, customized, or performed.

So let’s remind them often:

• You are made in the image of God.

• You are loved by God.

• You are not your own. You belong to Christ.

This isn’t just good theology. It’s good news for weary hearts.

In a world that equates identity with sexuality and demands self-definition above all else, grounding our kids in a Christ-centered identity is one of the most important things we can do. If we don’t disciple them in who they are, the culture will gladly do it for us, and the results will be devastating. Understanding their identity in Christ is not just helpful; it is essential if they’re going to stand firm in a culture that is constantly trying to redefine them. And as we’ll see next week, the pressure to invent your own purpose in life is just as overwhelming. But the gospel offers hope there too.

(This blog post is adapted from a class I originally taught at Trinity Community Church as part of our series on parenting in a sexualized world. Some content has been edited for readability and format, but the core material reflects the teaching and discussion from that session.)

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If you think about it, we live in the most prosperous and peaceful era in the history of humanity. We have more comfort, more convenience, and more access to just about everything than any generation before us. And yet, our world feels more anxious, more isolated, and more confused than ever. It’s not just a feeling but the rates of anxiety, depression, and loneliness are soaring, especially among younger people.

Emily Esfahani Smith, in her book The Power of Meaning, puts words to what a lot of us sense: we’re in a crisis of meaning. People aren’t just looking for happiness, they’re longing for purpose, belonging, and identity. But here’s the problem. Her book’s subtitle is telling: "Crafting a Life That Matters." The whole idea is that it’s on each of us individually, to find our meaning and make life worthwhile.

That’s a crushing weight.

St. Augustine saw this long ago when he wrote, “You have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our heart is restless until it rests in you.1” Our kids are growing up in a world that tells them to be true to themselves and to follow their own truth. But apart from God, that freedom becomes a burden.It’s exhausting. The burden of self-belonging wears us down.

A lot of the things I say in this post, I’m drawing from Alan Noble’s work, especially his book You Are Not Your Own: Belonging to God in an Inhuman World, which speaks directly into this cultural pressure. He writes:

“To be your own and belong to yourself means that the most fundamental truth about existence is that you are responsible for your existence and everything it entails.”2

Think about that. If you belong only to yourself, then every decision, every failure, every achievement, it’s all on you. That doesn’t lead to peace. It leads to anxiety. And that’s not just a secular problem. If we’re not careful, Christian parents can subtly absorb this mindset too—feeling like we have to hold everything together, define our family’s meaning, and somehow raise kids who can survive the cultural storm on their own strength.

That’s why this part of our parenting series is focused on three deeply human questions:

1. Who do I belong to?

2. Who am I?

3. Why am I here?

This week, we’ll start by answering the first question.

Belonging: Who Do I Belong To?

Our kids are constantly hearing a message from the world: you belong to yourself. You get to decide what’s true. You get to choose who you are. No one else has a right to define you. That’s the air they breathe, from Disney songs and Instagram influencers to school policies and TikTok trends.

Thankfully, Scripture gives us a much better answer. The Heidelberg Catechism says:

“What is your only comfort in life and in death?”

“That I am not my own, but belong—body and soul, in life and in death—to my faithful Savior Jesus Christ.”

 —Heidelberg Catechism Q1

This is one of the most beautiful truths we can teach our children. We’re not drifting through life trying to figure it all out on our own. We are not our own. We are His. Paul reminds the Corinthians:

“You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.” (1 Corinthians 6:19–20)

That means we don’t have to invent our worth. We don’t have to perform to really matter. We don’t have to live under the illusion that we’re in charge of everything. Jesus bought us. He watches over us. And in Him, we can rest.

This truth is radically different from the cultural script:

• If I belong to myself, I set the rules.

• If I belong to myself, I define my truth.

• If I belong to myself, I bear the weight of creating my own meaning.

What sounds like freedom is really an unbelievable burden to carry. But when we know we belong to Christ:

• We are secure.

• We are known.

• We are loved.

Tim Keller often pointed out that modern identity is fragile because it’s based on performance. In today’s world, you’re only as good as your last success. But when your identity is grounded in belonging to Christ, you’re freed from that treadmill. You don’t have to constantly prove yourself.

Rebecca McLaughlin puts it this way: “If you are in Christ, you are loved not because of anything you’ve done, but because of what Jesus has done. You are not just accepted—you are adopted.3”

Belonging to Christ is not just a theological truth. It’s a daily anchor. And it’s one our kids need more than ever. Because they’re growing up in a world that tells them, subtly and loudly, that they belong to no one but themselves.

But we know better. We were made for more. We were made for Him.

“You have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our heart is restless until it rests in you.” —St. Augustine

When we don’t know who we belong to, we’re left to define ourselves however we can. That’s why identity becomes such a battlefield in our cultural moment. And if we think we have to make up our own identity from scratch, we’ll always feel like we’re falling short. We’ll become either proud or crushed or both, depending on the day.

And if we believe we exist for ourselves, we’ll either chase shallow pleasures or carry an unbearable weight to make our lives count. Either way, we’ll miss the joy and rest that come from living out of our God-given purpose.

So yes, the world is telling our kids they are their own, but the gospel tells a better story. And that better story starts with belonging.

Over the next two weeks, we’ll talk about what it means to help our children find their identity in Christ and how to teach them that their purpose is bigger than themselves.

It Cake? Or Something Else?

Have you seen those viral “Is it cake?” videos? Someone takes a knife to what looks like a bottle of soap or a tennis shoe, and suddenly it’s vanilla sponge and buttercream inside. What looked safe and familiar was something completely different.

That’s what parenting can feel like today.

It has happened to my family, and I am sure it has happened to yours. You sit down to watch a TV show with your child. It looks innocent, bright colors, catchy songs, fun characters. But halfway through, you realize the messaging isn’t neutral. It’s evangelistic, it’s preaching a message.and not the good kind. And it isn’t just on HBO. It’s in Peppa Pig. In school assemblies. In government policy. It’s everywhere.

The sexual revolution is no longer something “out there.” It’s here, and it’s after the hearts and minds of our children. 

Today’s blog post is the first in a series titled Faithful Parenting in a Sexualized World. In this series, my aim is to encourage and equip parents to lay a biblical foundation that will help their children navigate the world we live in, one shaped by shifting norms, deep confusion, and moral pressure, and to help them stand firm against the cultural maelstrom of the sexual revolution.

A Discipling World

At this point, I think we are all aware that the world is trying to disciple our children with a new morality that is not only contrary to Scripture but also constantly shifting. Consider some of the symptoms:

• Pornography is widespread. One major porn site reported 42 billion visits in a single year. Covenant Eyes reports that 68% of church-going men and 33% of church-going women view porn regularly. Many parents are unaware, yet studies show over half of their children have already seen it.

• Sexual ethics have eroded. A large percentage of teens from religious homes now support cohabitation before marriage. Pew Research found that 57% of Christians believe premarital sex in a committed relationship is acceptable.

• According to a 2022 study by the UCLA Williams Institute, about 1.4% of teens aged 13 to 17 in the United States identify as transgender 1. While that number might seem small, it reflects a significant increase over previous years.

• More broadly, a 2021 Gallup survey found that 1 in 5 Gen Z adults (those born between 1997 and 2012) now identify somewhere on the LGBTQ+ spectrum2. This represents a sharp rise compared to previous generations, suggesting that our children are growing up in a context where alternative sexual and gender identities are not just accepted but often celebrated.

• Abortion affects the church more than we often realize. A Lifeway study revealed that 70% of women who have had abortions identify as Christian, and many were attending church at the time.

As Carl Trueman writes,

“The sexual revolution… involves the abolition of [moral] codes in their entirety.”3

But we are not without hope. God has given us a calling and a promise. And that starts with knowing our role.

You Are an Ambassador, Not an Owner

Paul David Tripp reminds us that good parenting starts “with this radical and humbling recognition that our children don’t actually belong to us.”4

They belong to God. You are not the owner of your child. You are God’s representative. His ambassador. This is a game-changing truth.

It means we are called to reflect God’s character and communicate His truth. We are not crafting our children into our image. We are pointing them to the One in whose image they were made.

Jesus’ words in Matthew 28 are often applied to global missions, but they also speak to our calling as parents:

“Go therefore and make disciples… teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.” (Matthew 28:19–20)

Our children are our first mission field. The Great Commission starts in the living room.

As Tim Keller put it,

“The purpose of parenting is to prepare your children not to need you, but to need God.”5

Teach Them What Christ Has Commanded

The pressure on parents is intense. Social media is full of voices claiming the right way to feed, sleep-train, discipline, and educate your children. But the Word of God gives us clarity and peace.

Jesus calls us to teach our children to observe all He has commanded—not all the latest parenting trends, not all the best podcasts, not all the tips from social media. His Word is our anchor.

Rachel Gilson writes,

“The world tells us that we are most ourselves when we are most in touch with our desires. But Jesus tells us we are most ourselves when we are most in touch with Him.”6

And Rebecca McLaughlin reminds us,

“We cannot assume the gospel. We have to teach it, talk about it, and live it like it’s true—because it is.”7

We need not fear disagreement with the world if we are rooted in the Word.

You Are Not Alone

Jesus ends the Great Commission with this promise:

“And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.”

That promise is not just for pastors and missionaries. It’s for parents who are in the trenches every day. For moms and dads feeling weary, overwhelmed, or unsure, this promise is a lifeline.

Sam Allberry puts it beautifully:

“God is more committed to your child’s salvation than you are.”8

That does not mean we give up. It means we trust Him more. We labor in prayer. We plant seeds of truth. We walk in obedience. And we rest in the sovereign grace of God.

Take Heart, Parent with Hope

You will not be a perfect parent. That’s not your calling. You are called to be faithful.

Teach your children the Word. Point them to Christ. Show them what it looks like to follow Jesus, not just in theory but in your everyday life.

Remember, you are not the owner. You are the ambassador.

And that is more than enough.

(This blog post is adapted from a class originally taught at Trinity Community Church as part of our series on parenting in a sexualized world. Some content has been edited for readability and format, but the core material reflects the teaching and discussion from that session.)

This past week, the New York Times published an article titled “Is It Ok For Your Kids to ‘Rot’ All Summer”. The premise is that parents are debating how their kids should spend their time this summer. Should they structure every minute of the summer, or should they instead give their children the freedom to have an unstructured summer, which they refer to as “kid rotting”? 

As a millennial parent and a child of the 90s, this debate resonates with me. In the case of my family, this summer has been different than any other summer. For the first time since we are parents, both my wife and I have schedules filled with work responsibilities, and though we are thankful for jobs that offer some type of flexibility, this summer has been uniquely challenging. As millennial parents, our instinct is to want to provide a perfectly structured summer filled with activities that would challenge our children artistically, physically, intellectually, and most importantly, spiritually. But as children of the 90’s we also recognize that there is some value in unstructured times of boredom. Some of my most precious memories come from times of boredom that sparked creative (and admittedly at times foolish) ways to have fun with our siblings, cousins, and friends. 

There is a felt pressure to enroll our children in every enriching activity even when it stretches the family budget. Not every household can afford costly camps or lessons and there should be no shame for families who simply cannot do those things. Whatever we decide must flow from faith not fear or comparison.

So what does the Bible say about how our children should spend these months? Every family and every child is different but three biblical principles can guide us as we plan: stewarding time as a gift, embracing God blessed rest and creating space for creative flourishing.

Stewarding Time as a Gift

Jesus told the story of a master who entrusted his servants with talents and held each one accountable for how they used them (Matthew 25:14–30). Time is our most precious resource. Ephesians 5:15–17 urges us to live wisely and make the most of every opportunity. When we teach our children to see each hour as a gift from God we help them learn responsibility and intentionality.

In practice, this might mean a short family devotion each morning (or before going to bed, which is what we do at home), or being intentional with chores or acts of service, something like watering plants or helping a neighbor. These routines reinforce that time belongs to God and every moment can honor Him. Psychologists note that when children view unstructured moments as chances for meaningful choice rather than empty voids, they develop stronger self-regulation and executive-function skills.

Not only is time a gift from God, but how we use it is also a means of worship. Our kids need to remember that Paul tells us in 1 Corinthians 10:31 that whether we eat or drink, or whatever we do, we should do it all to the glory of God.

Embracing God Blessed Rest

One of the temptations of the age we live in is to understand rest as laziness. Rest is not laziness. It is a divine gift woven into creation. On the seventh day God rested and declared it holy (Genesis 2:2–3). Jesus reminded his critics that the Sabbath was made for our good (Mark 2:27). True rest refreshes body and soul and teaches us we do not earn our worth through constant performance.

With that said, even though rest is not sinful, idleness is. The first is a God-ordained pause; the second is an undisciplined drift. Proverbs 24:30–34 warns against the house of a “sluggard” whose field has overgrown with thorns, symbolizing the consequences of prolonged inactivity. While rest replenishes, idleness stagnates. Teaching children the difference helps them grow in both Sabbath-keeping and diligence. It also protects them from the result of idleness, which is more sin. 

At my wife’s request, this summer we have gone on a few walks after dinner (she loves them, the rest of us not so much).But these walks remind us that a little boredom is healthy. Research shows that tolerating unstructured time strengthens emotional stamina and sparks creativity. In that quiet space children learn to soothe themselves and discover new ideas.

Cultivating Creative Flourishing

God has given each child unique gifts, musical, athletic, artistic or academic (1 Corinthians 12:4–7). Proverbs 22:6 encourages us parents to train up our children in the way they should go. In childhood we lay the groundwork for lifelong curiosity and character.

Unstructured play is where imaginations take flight. A cardboard box becomes a spaceship. A blanket fort transforms into a castle. Those spontaneous inventions teach risk taking, problem solving and independence. Paul commended Timothy’s sincere faith nurtured from childhood through Scripture (2 Timothy 3:14–15). We can blend playful freedom with simple spiritual habits such as praying before play or reflecting on a Bible story at bedtime.

Putting It All Together

A flourishing summer is not an endless to-do list nor a season of true neglect. It is a prayerful rhythm of moments: shared devotion, simple work, free play and genuine rest.

This week take a few minutes to sketch a loose daily rhythm. Perhaps begin mornings with five minutes of Bible reading over breakfast. Midmorning, include a household task or service. After lunch, give children unstructured play time outdoors. In the late afternoon read aloud or go for a walk. Keep dinners device-free and end the day with a brief prayer or family reflection.

Trust God with the gaps. He designed work and rest, challenge and boredom to shape our children’s hearts. As we steward summer wisely, grounded in Scripture and grace, our kids will not rot but flourish, growing in creativity, resilience and wonder to the glory of the One who holds every season in his hands.

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Earlier today, as we were driving home, my daughter hit me with some questions about Pride Month. I don’t know how it is in your home, but every time June rolls around, our dinner table fills with questions about rainbow flags, about Pride displays at the store, and at times about things they heard from friends about the topic. And often, these conversations catch me off guard. I’m not afraid to talk about these things, and I believe it needs to be an ongoing conversation, but it still makes me nervous at times. Maybe you’ve felt the same tension: wanting to answer with clarity, but also with kindness. Wanting to stay faithful to God’s truth, while showing the love of Christ.

If you’re anything like me, you don’t just want to keep your kids sheltered, you want to send them out prepared. You want to raise children who know what is true and how to love those who believe differently, standing courageously with a grace that only Christ can supply.

Here’s the good news: God hasn’t left us to figure this out alone. His Word gives us what we need, not only to navigate these conversations, but to do so in a way that communicates biblical love, not panic. We can stand firm in truth and extend the radical love of Jesus at the very same time. With the help of resources like Rachel Gilson’s Parenting Without Panic, this post is meant to help you think through how to walk that path with your children, not perfectly, but faithfully,  with eyes fixed on Christ.

Point to the beauty of God’s Good Design: Build a Biblical Foundation Early

The first thing we need to do as parents is to build a biblical foundation for our children. As parents, we should not just react to cultural narratives but intentionally teach our children the beauty of God’s design for gender and sexuality. 

Rachel Gilson puts it this way: “God’s vision for our bodies and relationships really is good news, and we can talk calmly and confidently about it with even our young kids.” — Rachel Gilson

So, our priority as parents is to help our children see their body, gender, and sexuality as inherently good and God-given. For those of us who grew up during the Purity Culture movement, this can feel difficult. Though it started with the good desire to teach us to honor God with our bodies, it often left many young believers feeling ashamed of their bodies or unsure about how to talk about their body and sexuality.

This can at times be difficult for those in my generation that were brought up in Purity Culture that even though ultimately started with a desire to train us to honor God with our bodies, unintentionally lead many young believers to either be ashamed of their bodies or sexuality or to make them blush when thinking about it. 

As Sam Alberry says “Culture says, ‘You are your sexuality.’ Scripture says, ‘You are God’s.’ Your identity is not determined by your sexual feelings but by God’s creative and redemptive work.” and “God made our bodies, redeemed them through Christ, and will one day raise them to life again. Our bodies are of eternal significance.”

This truth is all over Scripture starting in Genesis all the way to the New Testament where Paul reminds the Corinthians not only that their bodies are a temple, but also that because of the Cross, they have been bought with a price. 

“Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.” -1 Corinthians 6:19–20 (ESV)

A positive vision of sexuality rooted in creation gives us and our children a firm footing in a world of shifting identities. By teaching them early that God’s design is not just true but beautiful, we equip them to withstand cultural confusion.

Embrace Grace and Truth: Standing Firm Without Fighting Dirty

I don’t know about you, but I am exhausted by the culture wars. Culture wars happen when different groups in society argue over big questions about what is right and wrong, things like family, marriage, and identity. These debates often get loud and heated but rarely yield any results.

In a world that is already saturated with us vs. them fights in every arena, we need to resist the pull towards combativeness and instead model how biblical truth and Christ-like love are intrinsically linked. Our goal is to be faithful witnesses who neither compromise truth nor withhold compassion.

And sometimes even within the church, we unintentionally absorb an “us vs. them” mindset. Growing up, I often got the impression, perhaps not deliberately taught, that the LGBTQ community was the enemy. The Gospel, on the other hand, tells me to love my neighbor. So as we equip our children to have these conversations, we need to model how to stand firm but without neglecting our call to love others as we love ourselves.  

As Jackie Hill Perry says “The gospel hurts and heals all at the same time.” It is a fact that upholding a biblical sexual ethic will be offensive to some, but let the offense come from the truth and not from us. 

During my time in ministry, I have seen many young men and women who struggled with their sexuality who refused to talk to their parents about it because they had heard the way they spoke of the LGBTQ community, and they feared they would be shunned. The worst part was that often they were right. 

Paul again says “Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ.” — Ephesians 4:15

When we act like Paul instructs us, we are not only loving our neighbor as Christ would want us to, but we are also opening the door to our children if they ever find themselves with questions about their sexuality.

Truth and love are not competing virtues but twin realities in Christ. As we navigate cultural confusion, we are called to hold fast to God’s Word while displaying the gentleness and humility of Jesus.

Prioritize Identity in Christ: Freedom from the Lies of Self-Creation

The world says, “You are your sexuality,” but Scripture says, “You are who Christ says you are.” So as Christian parents we must teach our children that their deepest identity is not found in feelings or attractions but in being beloved by God.

Rebecca McLaughlin says:

“In Christ, one’s deepest identity is not who one loves, but Who one is loved by. The truest thing about an individual is that they are the beloved of God.” — Rebecca McLaughlin

The world is doing its best to shape the minds and hearts of our children, andWe must gently but persistently remind them: their worth isn’t found in their feelings or achievements but in the unchanging love of God. One of the throughlines of Disney movies, music, and video games is this idea that you have to shape your own identity and create your own path. 

But true freedom comes not from creating an identity but from receiving one. By rooting our children in the truth of who they are in Christ, we offer them a solid hope that cannot be shaken by cultural trends or personal struggles.

Parenting with Peace, Not Panic

I want to close with a reminder that as Christian parents, we are not called to panic but to persevere in the slow, faithful work of discipleship. Trusting in God’s sovereignty, we can courageously engage the cultural moment with unwavering truth and Christlike love, confident that God is at work.

The truth is, we will mess up. We will often put our foot in our mouths, and we won’t always have the right answer. And that’s ok. Because we are in Christ, we have the freedom to fail. And there is grace for that. We don’t have to be perfect because Christ is all the things we are not. The Word of God reminds us of this:

“The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” — Lamentations 3:22–23

Dear parent, be intentional,  but most importantly, seek to be faithful! Faithfulness in the small, daily conversations will bear fruit. Trust that as you plant seeds, the God who is always faithful will bring the growth, often slowly, but surely.

In the last few weeks, I have said a lot about screens and the digital world. Last week we talked about the importance of teaching our children discernment when interacting with what I called cultural artifacts such as movies, video games, and social media. In today’s post, I want to talk about an area that has been a constant struggle in my life as a believer: the area of self-control.

Self-control is listed as part of the fruit of the Spirit in Galatians 5. Peter also mentions it in his second letter when he says:

2 Peter 1:5-7 (ESV):

“For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love.”

It is clear from both of these passages that self-control is not just incidental in the life of the believer—it is presented as an important virtue of the Christian walk and a mark of spiritual maturity. In Peter’s progression, self-control is a result of faith and not a prerequisite to it. It builds upon the foundations of faith, virtue, and knowledge. This is a reminder that self-control comes as a result of understanding and believing God’s truth.

This passage also reminds us that self-control precedes godliness. In his book Your Future Self Will Thank You, Drew Dyck writes:

“Self-control isn’t just one good character trait, a nice addition to the pantheon of virtues. It’s foundational. Not because it’s more important than the other virtues, but because the others rely on it.” (p. 15)

If as parents we desire our children to grow into godliness, it is imperative that we teach them to grow in self-control.

Screen Time Is a Good Metric of Self-Control

I confess that growing in self-control has been a lifelong struggle in my spiritual walk. I am constantly having to confess a lack of self-control and relying on God’s grace to grow in it. For me, different markers remind me of where I am spiritually: my mood, my energy levels, even the numbers on the scale can reveal much about my heart. Everyone has different struggles, but a tool that seems to be almost universal as an indicator of our lack of self-control is our screen time.

Every Sunday morning, my phone pings me with a notification that tells me how much time I spent on it that week. It’s honestly embarrassing, but it is a helpful reminder that I am addicted to screens.

My kids don’t have smartphones, and they probably won’t until they’re sixteen (for more on the impact of screens and social media on the mental health of teenagers, read Jonathan Haidt’s The Anxious Generation). But my wife and I do have control over how much screen time they have every day. We’re one week into summer break, so we are still finding our sweet spot, but as parents we have the ability, and responsibility, to limit their screen time.

Guided by biblical wisdom, we must model and teach self-control by setting clear and consistent boundaries around screen time and content. This isn’t about punishment, but about training children in the discipline of self-governance.

It is important to remember that self-control is not merely about restriction. It is a fruit of spiritual maturity. Science tells us that the human prefrontal cortex doesn’t fully develop until early adulthood. Our children need our help with limits and decision-making. Restriction can modify behavior, but it cannot change the heart, which is ultimately what we desire.

So how can we help our children grow in this area?

Offer Exciting Alternatives

One of the most helpful things we can do for our kids is to fill their lives with things that are genuinely life-giving instead of just letting screens take over. Let's actively encourage activities that get their bodies moving, their minds thinking, and their hearts engaged. Think playing outside, diving into a great book, getting creative with art, or finding ways to serve others. The point isn't to outlaw fun, but to show them that the most lasting kind of joy usually comes from things that require a little effort and imagination. When we pack their days with rich, meaningful experiences, it naturally leaves less room for that mindless scrolling or gaming.

Help Them See Relationships Matter More Than Entertainment

Let's be honest, screens are often the easy default, but they're almost never the best choice. We need to gently guide our children to understand that being with people is simply more valuable than whatever's happening on a screen. Help them see how much it matters to truly be present with others, whether it's laughing over a board game with a sibling, lending a hand to a parent with chores, or just sitting down and really talking. These real-life connections are far more important than the next YouTube video or Fornite season.

Most importantly, the relationship they need to prioritize most is not horizontal but vertical. Their relationship with God. So we should teach our children to create rhythms that look up before they look around. They can do this by spending time in prayer and by reading Scripture.

 It really echoes what Jesus taught, doesn't it? The two most important things are loving God and loving our neighbor (Matthew 22:37–39). Putting relationships first isn't just a nice idea; it's right at the heart of following Jesus and provides the perfect training ground for learning to manage ourselves.

Model Self-Control (This is a Big One!)

Our kids learn so much more from watching what we do than from hearing what we say. If we're talking about self-control but our own lives look like a free-for-all, our words won't carry much weight. So, let them see us putting our phones away during family meals. Let them see us choosing to read a book instead of binge-watching a show. Let them see us intentionally taking a break, maybe a "digital Sabbath," from devices. And hey, don't be afraid to talk about your own struggles with this stuff and how much you need God's grace! Show them that self-control isn't just about following a list of rules; it's about living our whole lives surrendered to Christ. I just declared our dining room a screen-free zone, not because my kids are using screens during dinner, but because I often find myself checking text messages or email when my attention should be on my family.

It’s like that verse in Titus reminds us, God's amazing grace trains us to say no to ungodly desires and live lives that are self-controlled, upright, and devoted to Him right here, right now (Titus 2:11–12).

A Final Thought

Ultimately, self-control isn't just some skill we're trying to hammer into our kids. It's something we pray the Holy Spirit will grow within them. And as we're trying our best to guide them, let's keep reminding ourselves that true self-control doesn't come from sheer willpower alone. It grows from staying connected to Jesus, who showed us perfectly what it looks like to live a life of joyful surrender to His Father.

The day I started writing this post was the last day of school for my children. For my son, it was his last day of elementary school. Just like that, my kids are no longer little. At 7 and 11, their interests are changing. Especially for my oldest, little kid toys are starting to lose their appeal. These days, playing games online with his friends is more exciting than building with blocks or playing with action figures.

Because both my wife and I work, even though we’ve planned camps and activities for the summer, the reality is that our kids will have more time at home, and with that comes more opportunities for screen time. And that’s okay. We’ve made peace with the fact that screens will be part of our summer. But I also want to be intentional about how my kids think about their relationship with screens.

In a recent post, I described technology like a vine. Without a trellis to guide it, it grows wild, creeping into places it was never meant to go. In the same way, if we don’t help our kids build a framework for how to interact with technology, it will find its way into every corner of life without asking permission.

If you’re reading this, there’s a good chance you’re a young Gen X-er, a Millennial, or maybe an older Gen Z-er. That means, like me, you probably remember growing up during the tail end of the "satanic panic." I was raised in Guatemala, and even there, the influence reached us. I remember the way many in the church reacted to culture. Out of a sincere desire to protect their children, a lot of parents responded by banning just about everything. Good music was off-limits. Every TV show was suspect. Unless it was McGee and Me or The Flying House, it was treated like a spiritual threat.

I’m only half joking. There really was a tendency to see every cultural artifact as dangerous. And to be honest, as much as I rolled my eyes as a kid when I wasn’t allowed to watch certain shows or play certain games, now that I’m a parent, I get it. I want to protect my kids, too. The impulse is there. But now I find myself asking a different question: Is isolation really the answer? Or would it be better to train my kids to think, to discern, and to engage with the world through the lens of Scripture?

Teach them to recognize that everything is a sermon

One of the best tools we can give our children is the ability to recognize that everything in culture is preaching. Songs, commercials, movies, video games, YouTube shorts, each one is saying something about what is true, good, and beautiful. The Apostle Paul says in Romans 12:2,

"Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect."

Paul assumes the world is trying to shape us. That is the default. Whether it is loud and obvious or subtle and slow, the world is constantly forming us. But Paul does not just diagnose the problem; he gives us a path forward: the renewing of our minds. And that renewal comes through testing and discerning what aligns with God's will. That kind of wisdom is not automatic. It has to be taught and practiced.

Our kids are being formed constantly, not just during family devotions or Sunday school, but in the everyday choices of what they watch, listen to, and follow. As James K.A. Smith has put it, we are shaped not just by what we know, but by what we love. So part of our job as parents is to help our children pay attention to what is shaping their affections.

There is one voice that stands above all the others, the voice of God in Scripture. And when our kids know how to listen for that voice, they are better equipped to respond wisely to all the others.

Asking questions about cultural artifacts

One of the most practical ways we can help our children grow in discernment is by teaching them to ask questions about the things they watch, listen to, and enjoy. Not every movie or show needs to be avoided, but every one of them should be examined. Even when something is fun or engaging, it is still saying something about the world, about people, and about what matters most.

Recently, our family watched Wicked. My kids love the music, and my daughter will correct you if you do not sing the lyrics exactly right. As we were watching it, I paused the movie and asked, "Is there anything here that does not seem right?" One of my kids noted that the clothing did not seem gender-appropriate. Then I asked, "What sermon is this story preaching?" To my surprise, their answers were thoughtful and perceptive. That moment reminded me that discipleship does not only happen during devotions. It occurs in conversations like these.

These conversations do not need to be complicated. They can happen during a car ride or while unloading the dishwasher. The goal is to help our children become thoughtful and wise, to show them how to think Christianly about the media they enjoy. We are not trying to raise critics. We are trying to raise worshippers who can recognize what honors God and what quietly pulls their hearts away from him.

The Bible encourages this kind of reflection. In 1 Thessalonians 5:21, Paul says, "Test everything; hold fast what is good." That kind of testing includes the stories and songs that shape our imaginations and desires.

Here are a few simple questions to help get the conversation started:

• What message is this story or song trying to send?

• Who is the hero, and what are they fighting for?

• What kind of actions or values are celebrated?

• Does this help me love God and others more or less?

• Is there any truth in this that matches what the Bible says?

• Is there anything here that feels like a subtle lie?

In her book Parenting Without Panic, Rachel Gilson gives a great example of this. When her daughter asked about the same-sex romantic relationships in the show She-Ra, Rachel explained that God does not exist in that fictional world, so people live differently. It was a thoughtful and honest way to acknowledge that not every story reflects the truth of God's world. And it opened a door to talk about what God actually says.

Helping our kids ask these kinds of questions will not make them fearful or overly cautious. It will help them become wise. It will shape their hearts to love truth, to see through lies, and to grow in confidence that God's Word really is the best lens through which to view everything else.

Who is shaping your heart, thoughts, and desires?

Another vital question our kids need to hear often is: "Who is shaping your heart?" The people and voices we listen to most, whether it is a friend, a favorite YouTuber, or the latest trend on social media, do not just fill our time. They shape our hearts. What captures our attention eventually forms our desires.

Proverbs 4:23 reminds us, "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it."

This is not just a warning. It is a call to intentional formation. The heart is the control center of our life, and the voices we listen to play a powerful role in shaping what we love and what we live for.

Tony Reinke, in his book Competing Spectacles: Treasuring Christ in the Media Age, writes:

"The Christian's high calling is to guard the heart and its loves and desires. The worst trade in the universe is playing in the shallow pools of the world's spectacles instead of diving deep for the treasure of eternal worth."

As parents, it is not enough to tell our kids to guard their hearts. We have to model it. If we are constantly distracted by our phones, absorbed in shallow media, or anxious to keep up with cultural noise, our children will follow our example far more than our instruction.

Here are a few simple questions to help your children think about the voices shaping them:

• Who do I listen to most during the week?

• Am I placing another voice in the place of authority that belongs to the Bible alone?

• Do the things I watch or hear make me love Jesus more or less?

• What voice do I hear first in the morning: God's Word or the world's noise?

Jesus said, "Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also" (Matthew 6:21). Our task is not just to limit screen time but to help our kids treasure Christ above all. That begins with asking the right questions and living them out ourselves.

Conclusion

At the heart of all of this is a call to follow Jesus more closely. Screens are not the enemy, but they can easily distract us from what matters most. Our children do not just need rules. They need a vision of life where Christ is more beautiful than anything a screen can offer. As we disciple them in how to engage the world with wisdom and truth, we do it with our eyes fixed on Jesus, who alone can satisfy the desires of the heart.

One of the questions I have to deal with often, not only as a pastor but also as a parent, is the question of what the place is for screens in the life of my family? In the world we live in, screens are inevitable. The debate is no longer whether our kids will have access to screens, but when and how they will have access to screens? By screens, I mean not only the devices like TV’s, computers, tablets, cell phones, etc… but the content that comes through the pieces of glass we so adore.

In the zeitgeist, the term black mirror has become commonplace. The term was coined by Charlie Brooker, a TV producer. The moment your smartphone, tablet, or TV screen goes dark and you see your own reflection staring back at you? That’s a black mirror. Brooker has explained that the term itself refers to these screens that dominate our lives. When they’re off, they become eerie, lifeless mirrors. We all know exactly what he is talking about. We have all seen the distorted reflection of our face when the phone or tablet turns off. The problem is that these machines also have the ability to distort the way we view ourselves, our neighbor, and life in general. 

Over the next several weeks, we’ll explore topics like setting healthy screen rhythms, teaching discernment in a digital age, cultivating responsibility, and finding rest amidst digital distraction. Today, we start by addressing the foundational question: What exactly is the place for screens in a Christian home?

I. Screens Have a Place, But It’s Not the Center

In 1 Corinthians 6:12, Paul recites what many scholars believe was a well-known saying in Corinthian culture: “All things are lawful for me.” But he immediately qualifies it by adding, “But not all things are helpful.” I remember growing up and latching onto that first part—the idea that I can do all things, that nothing is off limits. And it seems that was exactly the mindset in Corinth. That’s likely why Paul repeats the phrase twice in his letter. In chapter 6, he reminds the believers that just because something is permitted doesn’t mean it’s beneficial. Then later, in chapter 10, he sharpens the warning: don’t let your freedom lead to bondage. What begins as liberty can quietly become slavery. And that precisely is the warning we should heed when it comes to thinking about the place of screens in our home. 

In his book The Tech-Wise Family, Andy Crouch reminds us that technology is in its proper place when it exists on the “edges” of our family life, not at the center. But if your family is anything like mine, technology often behaves more like a vine. Without a trellis to guide it, it doesn’t stay put; it creeps into every corner of life, quietly taking over more than it should.

So, it is important that we find rhythms to fight against the encroachment of technology into the spaces that are meant to be centered on God and family. Screens should enrich family life and relationships, not isolate or fragment us. Families can intentionally create spaces and times where screens enhance connection (e.g., movie nights) rather than inhibit it (e.g., dinner table).

One of the rules my wife and I have discussed, but to be honest, I have yet to enforce consistently, is having no-screen spaces and times. At the Moscoso home, we treasure eating meals together as a family, but I have been guilty of allowing my phone and the tyranny of urgency and busyness to steal from me valuable time with my family. 

II. Screens Shape Our Hearts and Habits

Understanding the impact habits have on our hearts is foundational to the life of the believer. In his book The Common Rule, Justin Whitmel Earley says, “Habits are a pattern of repeated action that are ultimately formational (for good or bad, realized or not) and this, ultimately, is worship.” And yet, how often do you find yourself reaching out for your phone as the first action of your day? Whether we want it or not, this is a habit that shapes our hearts and desires.

I, personally, have to avoid looking at my phone before I pray or read Scripture. I know that the moment I reach for my phone, it’s game over. Our screens have the ability to reorient our attention and hearts. So it is a good diagnostic question to ask ourselves:, What is the first voice we listen to in the morning? 

This principle isn't merely about self-discipline; it's deeply theological. In Matthew 6:21, Jesus teaches us that "where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." What we give our attention to first and most frequently reveals and shapes what we treasure. When our children see us constantly drawn to our devices, we're inadvertently discipling them in what we truly value.(I’m preaching to myself here!)

Practically, we can fight this by finding ways to have fun together, apart from screens. In our household, for example, we love board games (Some of us love them, others tolerate them). So we often try to play board games together. It is amazing how board games reveal things about us. Even board games can provide discipleship moments. (Except Monopoly… that game is irredeemable.) 

The reality is that our digital habits form neural pathways that become increasingly difficult to redirect. This is why the Psalmist's commitment to "set no worthless thing before my eyes" (Psalm 101:3) speaks so powerfully to our digital age. As parents, we must recognize that screen use isn't neutral; it trains our desires and patterns of thought. Intentional habits and routines around screen use can help us and our children to guard our hearts and minds.

When establishing these rhythms feels challenging—and it will—remember that we're engaged in formation, not just restriction. Each time we choose Scripture before social media or family conversation before Netflix, we're actively participating in the Spirit's work of transformation described in Romans 12:2, refusing to be "conformed to this world" but instead being "transformed by the renewal of your mind."

III. Screens Must Serve, Not Master

One of the dangers of screens is that they can be tools that become masters. Instead of us using them, they capture us and enslave us. And one of the ways they can enslave us is by making us wish for what doesn’t exist or isn’t meant for us. 

Professor and author Alan Noble says, "The Christian life is not a call to escape the world but to live in it attentively, bearing witness to the truth." (Alan Noble, Disruptive Witness) We must teach our children to use screens sparingly, wisely, and purposely. Screens are meant to enhance creativity, learning, and spiritual growth—rather than becoming masters of our attention and desire.

This mastery over technology rather than by technology resonates with Christ's words in Mark 2:27 when He declared that "the Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath." Similarly, screens were made to serve humanity, not the other way around. When we find ourselves or our children unable to put devices down, responding emotionally to their absence, or experiencing "phantom vibrations" when they're not even present, we've moved from mastery to servitude.

In his alarming and well-researched book "The Anxious Generation," social psychologist Jonathan Haidt presents compelling evidence about how smartphone use and social media have contributed to a mental health crisis among today's youth. Haidt writes, "The smartphone rewired the lives of teenagers in ways that made them both more connected but less socially developed, more entertained but less happy, more informed but more anxious, never alone but rarely deeply connected." His research shows that Gen Z—the first generation raised with smartphones from childhood—has experienced dramatic increases in anxiety, depression, and self-harm that correlate directly with digital immersion. We will talk more about Haidt’s research in upcoming posts. 

Remember that Christ called us to be "in the world but not of the world" (John 17:14-19). Digital spaces are part of the world our children will navigate, but they shouldn't define or consume them. When children learn to use technology as a tool rather than turn to it as a comfort, distraction, or identity, they develop a Christ-centered perspective that will serve them throughout life.

The goal isn't to demonize technology but to domesticate it, to bring it under the lordship of Christ like every other area of life. As parents, we can demonstrate this by asking thoughtful questions before screen use:

• Will this strengthen or weaken my relationship with God and others?

• Is this enhancing my God-given purpose or distracting from it?

• Am I controlling this technology, or is it controlling me?

Conclusion

As I close, I want to make sure it is clear that I am not advocating for an anti-screen position. At the time I am finishing this post, it’s Friday afternoon, so a time of playing video games with my kids is on the horizon. But by teaching our children to ask these questions and modeling healthy digital habits ourselves, we help them develop the spiritual muscles needed to navigate an increasingly screen-dominated world with wisdom and purpose. In doing so, we prepare them not just for technological discernment but for faithful Christian living in all aspects of life.

As we guide our children and ourselves in thoughtful, prayerful use of screens, we rely on God’s grace. Mistakes will happen, but each new day is an opportunity to grow wiser, shaping homes where Christ, not screens, occupies the center.”

Next week, we will look at how to teach our kids discernment in the Digital Age. I am excited to continue the research on this topic, as the primary goal of these blog posts is to help myself be a faithful parent in this area.

Growing up, I loved soccer. You could say I was obsessed. My day, my mood, even my sense of identity would rise and fall depending on how my favorite team played. I remember it annoying my parents, but I didn’t think it was that big of a deal until one day in my early twenties, when my team lost the World Cup final.

I, a grown man, crumbled to the ground in tears.

My wife, who was just my girlfriend at the time, thought it would be a good moment to mess with me. She gently picked me up off the floor for an embrace, which I accepted… until I noticed she was wearing the opposite team’s jersey. So I pushed her away. Yes, I really did that. That was the moment I realized soccer had become more than a hobby. It had become an idol.

It’s been almost twenty years since then, and thankfully, things have changed.

Just this past week, my team lost another important game. But this time, I noticed something different. I had a choice. Would I let the result ruin my day, or could I choose joy regardless of the outcome? In that moment, I looked over and saw my son getting upset while watching the same game. That’s when it hit me. This was a moment to help him learn how to smash idols while they are still on the factory floor.

John Calvin famously said, “Man’s nature, so to speak, is a perpetual factory of idols.” In other words, our hearts are always looking for something to worship, something to cling to as ultimate. And it’s usually not God. It can be sports, money, sex, career, popularity, and sometimes even really good things like our kids, our reputation, or our work in ministry.

Tim Keller puts it like this:

“The human heart takes good things like a successful career, love, material possessions, even family, and turns them into ultimate things. Our hearts deify them as the center of our lives, because we think they can give us significance and security, safety and fulfillment, if we attain them.”

That’s the problem. But what’s the solution? How do we actually smash those idols before they take root? And just as importantly, how do we help our children smash the idols trying to take root in their own little hearts?

1. Identify the False God Behind the Good Gift

To explain this, I want to borrow an illustration from Paul Tripp. In his book Marriage, he talks about weeds in a lawn to describe the Christian life. I’ve used this illustration with my own kids when we’ve talked about idols, and it really helped.

At our house, we get weeds in the yard all the time. After helping me pull them a few times, my kids quickly learned it’s easier to pull a weed with short roots than one that’s been growing for a while. It’s the same with idols. The sooner we recognize them, the easier they are to uproot.

So as parents, it’s important we help our children identify the things they may be tempted to idolize. For my son, it’s sports and video games. For my daughter, it’s her grades. These things aren’t bad, but they can quickly become too important.

And we should remind our kids, and ourselves, that idols are often good things we’ve made into ultimate things. That’s why it helps to ask simple but honest questions like:

• What do I fear losing most?

• What do I run to for comfort or meaning?

These kinds of questions help us, and our kids, spot what’s quietly replacing God as our source of joy and security. Naming the idol is the first step to tearing it down.

2. Replace the Idol with a Greater Love

Tripp’s illustration doesn’t end with pulling weeds. He also talks about planting good seeds. And the same principle applies here. We don’t overcome idols through sheer willpower. We overcome them with worship.

We need to help our kids learn to fix their eyes on Jesus. The goal isn’t just to take something away. It’s to replace it with someone better. We want their hearts to be more captivated by the beauty, sufficiency, and love of Christ than by whatever idol is pulling at them.

Keller says it well:

“Jesus must become more beautiful to your imagination than your idol.”

That means we need to talk about Jesus often. Point our kids to Him in everyday life. Help them see how He satisfies in ways their grades, sports, or friendships never truly can.

3. Practice Rhythms that Reorder Your Loves

Spiritual disciplines aren’t just things we check off a list. They are how God reshapes what we love.

Daily Scripture, prayer, Sabbath rest, and being part of a gospel-centered community are rhythms that slowly but powerfully reorder our hearts. They help us love God more and trust our idols less.

So what kind of seeds can we plant when we are pulling out idols? One simple step we’ve tried as a family is reading passages that show us who Jesus is. Passages like John 10, Colossians 1, or Hebrews 1.

And then we ask questions like:

What about Jesus in this passage is better than what my idol promises me?

Sometimes the conversation is short. Sometimes it’s deeper. But the habit matters. It plants something good in the soil of their hearts, and mine too.

Idols will always be looking for a place to grow. But by God’s grace, we can recognize them early, replace them with a greater love, and build rhythms that point our hearts, and our children’s hearts, back to Jesus.

References

• Calvin, John. Institutes of the Christian Religion, Book 1, Chapter 11, Section 8.

  “Man’s nature, so to speak, is a perpetual factory of idols.”

• Keller, Timothy. Counterfeit Gods: The Empty Promises of Money, Sex, and Power, and the Only Hope That Matters. Dutton, 2009.

  • Quote: “The human heart takes good things like a successful career, love, material possessions, even family, and turns them into ultimate things…”

  • Quote: “Jesus must become more beautiful to your imagination than your idol.”

• Tripp, Paul David. What Did You Expect?: Redeeming the Realities of Marriage. Crossway, 2010.

  • Illustration of weeds and planting seeds adapted from Tripp’s discussion of spiritual formation in relationships.

As a pastor, I have yet to meet a Christian who is satisfied with their prayer life. As a Christian myself, I know I could grow in this area too. I understand what the Bible teaches, and I believe prayer is essential. Still, I also know how easily my prayer life can be disrupted by the smallest inconvenience.As a parent, I have found that teaching children to pray is not easy. It can even feel hypocritical at times because prayer is something I continue to struggle with. But I believe that helping our children learn to pray is one of the greatest gifts we can give them.

Lately, I have been asking how I can help my own kids succeed in this area. How can I model prayer as something they grow into, rather than grow out of? These reflections are what I hope to share with other parents who may feel the same tension.

Start with simple, shared moments of prayer. When children regularly hear and participate in short, honest prayers, they begin to understand that talking to God can be as natural as talking to a friend. The goal is not to make prayer a burden but to help it become a joyful habit, just as Paul encouraged in Philippians 4:6 and 1 Thessalonians 5:17.

1. Establish a Consistent Time and Place for Prayer

Prayer needs a regular spot in the family’s routine. Donald Whitney reminds us that spiritual growth happens through steady, daily habits. Children, in particular, thrive when there is structure.

Choose a time that works best for your family. This could be in the morning, around the dinner table, or right before bed. Also, pick a place in the house where prayer can happen consistently. Daniel prayed three times a day, kneeling at the same window each time (Daniel 6:10). Jesus would often rise early in the morning and go to a quiet place to pray (Mark 1:35). These examples show how routine helps us prioritize God.

In our home, we pray together after evening devotions. We sit on the couch, read a short passage, talk about it, and then pray. It is not complicated, but it creates space for God in our family life.

Justin Whitmel Earley once said, “Our habits won’t change God’s love for us, but God’s love for us can and should change our habits.” A regular prayer routine is not about earning God’s favor. It is about helping our hearts grow more aware of His presence.

Practical idea: Create a prayer chart or set a daily reminder. Even young children can help by ringing a bell at prayer time or picking a verse to pray.

Why it matters: A consistent prayer time teaches children that God comes first. It also pushes back against the idea that prayer only happens when we have extra time.

2. Ground Your Child’s Prayers in Scripture

One of the best ways to teach children to pray is by helping them pray God’s words back to Him. The Reformers and the Puritans often said that prayer is shaped and nourished by Scripture. The Psalms are a great starting place, and the Lord’s Prayer in Matthew 6 offers a simple but rich structure.

Burk Parsons encourages parents to let children hear and repeat the Lord’s Prayer, even when they are young. You can focus on just one line. For example, start with “Our Father in heaven, hallowed be Your name,” and talk about what it means to honor God during the school day or in the home.

E. M. Bounds once wrote, “The Word of God is the food by which prayer is nourished and made strong.” You can help your child pray a Bible story back to God or memorize a verse like 1 Thessalonians 5:18, which says, “Give thanks in all circumstances.” If your child is older, try using a journal. Read a verse together and turn it into a short prayer. This helps them see that prayer is more than asking for things. It is a way to respond to God’s voice.

Practical idea: Use a children’s Bible or the prayer prompts in our 36 Days in John Devotional during prayer time.

Why it matters: Scripture gives children strong and beautiful words to use in prayer. When they learn to pray from the Bible, they begin to care about what matters to God.

3. Encourage Simple, Honest, Heartfelt Prayers

Help your child see that prayer is not complicated. It is simply talking to God. Nancy Guthrie puts it this way: “Praying to God is so simple a child can do it, but grown-ups often make it needlessly complicated. God wants an honest conversation.”

Children do not need fancy language. I have noticed in my own life, if I’m not careful I pray as if I were in a Sunday service and this can actually discourage my kids from joining in. So during our family prayer time, I try to pray simply and directly. If your child only says one sentence or a single word, thank God with them and affirm it.

Martin Luther once said, “Prayer is not performance but climbing up to the heart of God.” A sincere and childlike prayer is precious to the Lord, even if it seems messy or short to us.

Practical idea: Celebrate small prayers. If your child says, “Thank You, Jesus,” say “Amen” with joy. You can also start a bedtime tradition where you gently pray a blessing over your child’s head, such as, “Lord, help [Name] be brave and kind tomorrow.”

Why it matters: When children know that God values their words, they will feel more confident and eager to pray. This leads to genuine love for God, not just a habit done out of duty.

4. Model God-Centered, Not Me-Centered Prayer

One of the most important things we can model is that prayer is about God, not just about us. If children mostly hear us ask for better grades, good weather, or more rest, they may begin to think that God exists to serve our comfort. But Jesus taught us to pray, “Your kingdom come, Your will be done” (Matthew 6:10).

David Mathis reminds us that prayer is about communion with God, not controlling our circumstances. If our children hear us praise God for who He is—His love, justice, patience—and if they hear us pray for others, for the church, and for the gospel, they will begin to see that prayer is focused on God’s glory.

Donald Whitney writes, “The Bible teaches that prayer should be primarily God-centered, not man-centered.” Of course, we can and should bring our needs to God. Jesus invites us to ask for our daily bread. But we want to help our children learn to seek God’s heart first

Practical idea: During prayer, use the famous ACTS mode which includes 5 simple movements: Adoration, praise for who God is. Confession of sin,Thanksgiving, and Supplication which is where we requests for help. You can keep each one short and simple.

Why it matters: Children naturally focus on themselves (and if we’re honest, adults aren’t much different). Praying in a God-centered way helps them learn that life is not about getting what they want. It is about becoming more like Jesus.

As you help your children learn to pray, remember this. You are not just teaching them how to talk to God. You are helping them understand why we talk to Him. Prayer is about knowing and loving our Father in heaven. Let your words, your example, and your daily rhythms point their hearts toward the God who listens.

Prayer is not a task to complete. It is a relationship to enjoy. By making prayer a regular part of family life, grounding it in Scripture, and keeping it heartfelt and God-centered, you are helping your children grow in the joy of walking with God. As Nancy Guthrie’s children’s book reminds us, “God wants us to talk to Him.” And the Bible tells us in Psalm 145:18 that He is near to all who call on Him.

To find some of the resources mentioned in the article and that we recommend to parents who want to grow in the area of prayer with their children, please click below:

Book Recommendations on Prayer

Citations

• Donald S. Whitney, Family Worship, Crossway, 2016.

• Justin Whitmel Earley, The Common Rule: Habits of Purpose for an Age of Distraction, IVP, 2019.

• Burk Parsons, “Teach Us to Pray,” Tabletalk Magazine, Ligonier Ministries, June 2016.

• E.M. Bounds, The Necessity of Prayer, Whitaker House, 2006 (originally published in 1907).

• Nancy Guthrie, What Every Child Should Know About Prayer, 10Publishing, 2017.

• Martin Luther, quoted in A Simple Way to Pray, Fortress Press, 2000.

• David Mathis, Habits of Grace: Enjoying Jesus Through the Spiritual Disciplines, Crossway, 2016.

Scripture References:

• Philippians 4:6; 1 Thessalonians 5:17–18; Daniel 6:10; Mark 1:35; Matthew 6:9–13; Matthew 6:10; Psalm 145:18